poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Music and We
InAStoryTold

Behind closed eyes of different shades our minds remain the same,
 1
Nothing else will ever change.
 2
It will be just You and Me, until the music and we, stop dancing.
 3
 
 
Under moonlit skies of the utmost cliché painting, we live,
 4
While the radio leeks sounds from the painted-on house.
 5
And you dry my eyes after letting color drip onto the wall,
 6
As we both close ours and stare through eyelids.
 7
 
 
“I hope we still see each other when we open them.” You said.
 8
And I agreed, hoping just the same.
 9
 
 
But my tears washed the radio to a brown blended river of paint across the street.
 10
And the sound faded away.
 11
Then the streetlight went dark, but I still knew You were there.
 12
 
 
We no longer dreamed to stare at black,
 13
But now all we saw was white.
 14
 
 
I said, “I’m sorry for my tears, I…”
 15
And we disappeared.
 16

10 May 04


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Comments:

all i can say is i think you have ALOT on your heart and ur mind but keep it up its pretty good.
 — unknown

This is really very good. I like how you related it to a painting. It was a little hard to follow at times, but that could just be my tired eyes. I love it...keep writing.
 — azalea

damn. this is so odd. i ahvent read any by you that i dont like. most unusual. i think i might as well add you to my favourites.
 — wendz

Really weird, but awesome. I love reading it and it gives me a weird feeling, but i love it.
 — unknown

Awesome!
 — dream

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