This one I like MUCH better, it flows, it feels more complete. The form feels distracting though, what about something like this:
Silent as a native. I go.
Ego, silent as a native.
I go silently respecting
ear, and skin, and kin.
I do my best
not to crack a leaf,
or break a branch.
I ride the silent air
around my body,
my planet- she lives
with quiet moon.
Something like that I think would emphasize a little more strongly some of the visuals you've written of, and flow a little better. Just my 2 cents.
Thank you for your comments Greg. I placed a ? because I am hoping for another good comment after nearly a year without one. (It's been edited a little but the form feels good to me.)
this is spectacular. wow.
Perfect from beginning to end.
i like the native you capture well -
like a spirit, lifted by love and respect. this is beautiful.
Right on! Thank you. Pretty great comment.
Thank you others also.
This was my random poem this morning.
What a calming piece to waken to, ethereal and soothing; reminds me of my brother, the humanitarian; myself and my children, learning how we blend and learn in life, together, striving for harmony.
Very beautiful words,