poetry critical

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the primary and secondary reasons i love you

i was gray.
you found me.
when i was blue
you put my music on
when i was green
you did not disturb me
when i was yellow
you became yellow
when i was orange
you laughed with me
and made it last
when i was red
you put your hand on me
and did not move it
when i was purple
you held me tight
and breathed me in
and held me
in you still
and clear.

15 Apr 04

Rated 7.8 (7.5) by 7 users.
Active (7): 4, 5, 5, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (12): 4, 4, 6, 6, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(161 more poems by this author)

(7 users consider this poem a favorite)

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Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head. 4.
 — leonxic

how did you come up with this?
 — unknown

love it. perfect. simple. love it.
 — Ananke

This is great.  I can't think of a thing I'd change.
 — amy

This is nice, sort of like Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe" in color....
 — Greg

Haha, Greg's comment is so true.
 — slapper

i was wary about this until the last stanza.  beautiful.
 — done

to tell you the truth, i was wary about it too.
 — gnormal

hmmm...not sure yet what to think about it.
 — unknown

does this have anything to do with those machines that clue a women with colors as to  whether sex is safe or not?
 — unknown

interesting but no.
 — gnormal

I was wary about it until l8. It was a dangerous gamble you played, but you managed to pull it off. This is how a simple poem should be written.

I'd like it better though if you spelt it 'grey'.
 — semaj

cover your eyes.

ok look.  i'm gray.

now cover your eyes again.

ok look.  i'm grey.

now cover them again
and tell me how i looked different.
(like tea?)
 — gnormal

All it comes down to is that I think 'grey' looks prettier than 'gray'. In 'grey' the weight of the e is held at the top, echoing the r, whereas in 'gray' the weight is at the bottom of the a, and it just doesn't look right to me. The latter, for me, is imbalanced and needs some compositional adjustments.

Grey Gray
Gray Grey
grey gray
gray grey

 — unknown

Potato Potato
Potato Potato
potato potato
potato potato
 — BilyBreathes

that's "i almost woke my wife up" funny.

i see your grey now.

to me, that grey you see, with the e poising the weight to flow into the y, is a "smooth-to-slick character" brown grey.  but to me gray is a granular black and white film down to earth mudspot on the new painters pants gray.  honest and undressed as an a is.  not hiding a vowel in behind a d, posing with f.  that may be misty or foggy or a focusing problem grey.  but the color gray is gray.

gray is gray.
grey is light brown.

and i suppose to myself, the color of tea.
 — gnormal

awww.  i wish someone would write me a poem like that.
 — dismantleme

how about ochre, you left out ochre! never saw a better word or color!
 — hank

when i was ochre
you brought me a napkin
 — gnormal

when i was ochre
you tightened my choker
 — unknown

just can't believe you- gnorm- forgot about ochre!
 — hank

omg, gnormal, i think this is my favorite one from you so far. the colors really give me a great feeling. when you say "yellow" or "orange" i can actually picture what you mean, by the picture that you paint. i loved it. it's getting a 9 from me. it's also going on the favorites. :)
 — stainedsteal

this is really great. i love reading your poems, gnormal. The last three lines are lovely. Wonderful sounding (9)
 — peanut

this is beautiful.
 — SeraphSoul

Very very good. I like the colors you used in it. Very good! i give it a 9!
 — Heylee

I like the idea, but this poem doesn't move me in any way.  It doesn't relate at all.  What does being green have to do with not wanting to be bothered?  Or orange needing to laugh?  I want some fuction here, something to tie it all together in my mind. I like the use of 'clear' in line 20.

On the gray issue:  We've argued it before.  I like gray.  To me, grey is the color of bricks on the dullest building you've ever seen, the sky on the day you wanted to go to the beach, folders of unfinished paperwork, people in third world countries slowly fading away.  But gray is the color of cozy-warm wool sweaters, exotic thunderheads, the cat who winds himself around your ankles, being held, smoke from a campfire.

And you forgot 'indigo'.
 — abby

maroon, azure, peppermint red
 — unknown

Bloody hell, gnormal, what kind of cock have you got there!
 — unknown

should the first  word in stanza one be "When..."?
I wonder why you have no capital letters? is it a sign of humility?
you also only have one fullstop  at the end why is that?
i like the tone of the poem. It resonates with meaning.
 — lodza

i absolutely love this...
 — gears

i think you're the best poet on this site.
thank you for this gnormal.
this is beautiful.
 — unknown

and this is how to write a love poem.
 — lyom

This remonds me of the following anon poem:

When I'm born I'm black.
When I'm cold I'm black.
When I'm in the sun I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
When I die I'm black.
When you're born you're white.
When you're cold you're blue.
When you're in the sun you're red.
When you're sick you're green.
When you die you're purple

and you call me colored?

It's good - I like it!
 — unknown

A "random poem," a beautiful, colorful love poem - a delightful gift on an ordinary day! Thank you, gnormal.
 — Kita

like this. Its entertaining, yet ends on a heart-warming, beautiful note.
 — callingcard

grey or gray
neither primary nor secondary
however you spell it.
 — unknown

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