poetry critical

online poetry workshop

jack my dog's eye for things

an ant can travel
3 times 'round an aphid
before the aphid
blinks and i,
i've seen it happen,
and so's my dog jack.

6 Apr 04

Rated 8.3 (8.5) by 8 users.
Active (8): 1, 7, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9
Inactive (8): 5, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(151 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


That makes me laugh. Though extra 'd' in l4.

I can't say I know what to say about it, though. It's curious.
 — semaj

eye was play on i, which i changed to eye. but now back to i.
 — hank

a sucker for this.
i love the "be duum." finish.
 — gnormal

somebody stole jack.
 — hank

i really love your poems hank.

 — unknown

thanks noodle, i really love your commentary, and fuck off attitude, and tongue-in-cheek humour.  and i love reading your mentally bludgeoning banter with those less equipped. it makes me laugh.
 — hank

This is cool! :D
 — WildSymphony

thank wild
 — hank

wild!? :D wooohooo that I am!! ;)
 — WildSymphony

Change I back to eye. Aye.
 — unknown

hey go write your own poem.

 — unknown

Without an eye how would the author, the ant, jack and particularly the aphid be able to see?

I have written poems that have been read by you.
 — unknown

and i have read poems that have been written by you. this makes us practically siblings.

please don't be so serious. i wasn't.

joking. joking. you know like ha-ha-ha? just bear with me. i am mentally ill.

 — unknown

ps: without an i, how would we know about whom the author is writing? aye? 'igh?

and note my correct use of "whom," which, in this case, is the subject. you see? i am so smart, it is scary.

did you see how i placed the period inside the quotes? watch and learn, my friend.

are you trembling at the artsy way i use no capitals? well, do not be afraid. you, too can learn to eschew the 'shift' key. in time, grasshopper.
 — unknown

pps: i left the comma out after "too" just to confuse you. i am crafty. i have no penis. my ass is as red as an apple; and, i never chew pasta, nor do i eat bran in any form.
 — unknown

last 3 unknowns me. ^

first unkown, unknown.
 — noodleman

sorry 'i' slept through all of this. 'i' notice many aren't capitalizing now. it's a movement. or a revolution, or a war. 'i' just hope that when they do, they really Mean it.
 — hank

in a poem, i mean it if i do it. i mean everything i do in a poem.  in a comment it is sheer laziness. i mean nothing i do in a comment.

this is a riddle, but i am a knockknock joke.
 — noodleman

  lol...The noodle slipped off the butter. The cheese slid off his cracker. ...
 — WildSymphony

that's what i meant noodleman. in the poetry.
 — hank

eye taught sew. aye wars wright, than.
 — noodleman

ppps. i actually do have a penis it's just really small, like a mosquito.
 — noodleman

or an acorn?
 — hank

I've never seen an aphid blink, but I believe you and Jack.

I'm not sure whether this is silly or profound.  I like it, so I'm going to go with profound.
 — housepoppy

thank you housepoppy. i respect the opinion of all good fathers.
 — hank

you suck ass dickhead
 — unknown

 — unknown

i suck ass dickhead. nice. jack should bite you.
 — hank

i know you unknown. you're the kid that stepped out from behind the crowd to throw their snowball, then dove back into the back of the pack.
 — hank

where have all these poems come from.
i should look at peoples past poems.
i am very negligent.

4. I might be ok as eye. or is that naff?
(word of the week)
I like naff. not tacky. naff!

i had to run away from a bush in my garden at the weekend.
i'm not proud.
i was cutting back the old holey leaves behind the new ones
cos they had blight, or something i'd rather not think about
and as i pushed the stems back to reveal the old manky leaves
i didn't realise i was touching thick stems of moving aliveness
in black insect thickness. i may have squeeled like a lil piggy
branded for next sunday's  roasting. (hahah) not a proud moment.
not sure what to do about the critters now, other than avoid them.
i've put them on the back burner alongside household chores.

ants is what i need. need to move them from the front room where they're not wanted to the garden and the bush, where they are wanted. but would you want aphid, if you had wagon-wheel crumbs and choc ice flakes to nibble on instead?

sorry. good poem.
so good you get my life-story for free with it :S
 — kaleidazcope

ants. love them. i've learned that the mass of the ant population equals precisely that of the human population.
 — hank

there are conclusions to bge drawn from that but i'm not sure yet. i bet jack knows.
 — kaleidazcope

jack knew all. you could see it in his eyes and hear it in his whinny.
 — hank

i'll think of jack as solly. solly and i were good friends. he liked me and i liked him right back. and he told me things that no one had told me before, with just a sidelong look and a sniff.
 — kaleidazcope

 — gracque

thank you gracque...
kal, bet you get lot's of sniffers
 — hank

Wonderful what a dog and a human can accomplish supposedly doing nothing. This is great; it grew wait.
 — C

lol, your poems are top Hank!
 — Kauf

LOL you have a real cool dog to share these revelatory moments with you,can i borrow him for a year or two
 — larrylark

unfortunately larry, someone already did.
 — hank

Hello Hank,
one a day. A hank a day keeps the pranksters at bay. Can't go for blue yet, too shy.

see this poem is what makes Hank Hank. Line four" blinks an eye/and i. Intense focus on small small things way down there jolts the mind to a different kind of attention/intention. Will you ever write a poem about ant wars? Is this your 1st PC poem?

Thank you.
 — unknown

Hanky has a secret admirer !!! ,

If its ants you want http://www.poetry .tetto.org/read/29856/
 — unknown

ant if you want more:

http://www.poetry .tetto.org/read/19867/
 — hank

great random! have you ever noticed if you move the letters around in line 4 you get  "blink an di"? well, it gives the poem a whole other allure!  
 — unknown

very tongue in cheek.
 — unknown

there is only one reason to jot things down. and that is-only, to bring a tear to your own eye.  jack was so good and so fleeting.
 — hank

Liked this one hank. I like the way L4 is not only a play on words, but it also makes a sort of... sigh I guess between L4 and L5. Neat effect.
 — bbucsis

lovely stuff!
 — unknown

This is not a poem. It is just Aa couple dozen words.
 — MelissaK