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amend the [ amendment

I'm pro-American.

It it my understanding that this isn't just a forum for opinion.. hopefully people won't let their emotions on the topic guide their comments too much.

dearest america,
"we the people" are to
we are to
[defend our country with] deadly force against government tyranny and oppression.
April 22, 1999: a [forte]-14-year-old boy shot
a girl of the same age- it was an accident.
he was aiming at a different student.
isn't this hypocritical?
isn't this ironic?
isn't this
isn't his
if the government began to resort to tyranny, media would become the [weapon] of choice- and the people would speak out.
the people always speak out.
i would [speak out.]
May 21, 1998: After shooting his parents
to death, a 15-year-old boy kills 22 people
at a highschool
dearest america,
let's admit where we stand
you and i know that you and i know
the guns [are] for the criminals
the guns are for shooting the criminals
the guns [are] owned by criminals...
March 24, 1998 - four girls and a teacher
are killed, 10 students wounded, when two
boys 11, and 13 open fire from woods
bordering a school.
of course, they'd get the guns [the drugs, the knives, the weapons]
they'd get them anyhow, they'd get them if we banned them
they'd get them if we
Oct. 1, 1997: a boy of 16 killed his mother
then went to school and killed two students
and wounded seven others.
we all know the truth, dearest america
we know that you and i,
let's be on the same level, dearest america.
level with me.
there is no "tyranny and oppression"
the right to bear arms is a load of
a load of
don't load your gun around me
you could fire your politicians
you could fire them
you could fire that gun
it wouldn't make a difference
the guns aren't there for "controlling The Business End of Government"
if i went into the white house and threatened a politician because i was upset, i'd be put in jail
if i knew and could prove a mayor was tyrannical, he'd just pay the world off anyhow
because money makes the world
go around the money makes the world
round because money makes people
shut-up like a gun to their face and
tell them to "get the fuck out of the car"
you give them the money
and they still shoot you.
you and i, we know this, dearest america
we know the truth, we know the
i know that you
the guns are for threatening
the guns are for blackmailing
the guns are for bank-robbing
the guns are for "the land of the free"
because i need to protect myself from the gun-weilding psychos.
so i'll go buy myself a gun
count them as they fall-
one: the bodies in mid-air
two: their blood gushing in a symphony of red
three: their cries rise in a cacaphony of death
there is no pur
pose the quest
ion floating in
four: limp and warm
five: the scent of the whispering trail of gun-smoke
six: cold and lifeless
"in the last century about 170 MILLION people were murdered by their own governments"
jumping jehovas' witnesses,
i guess i'll go purchase a firearm to
protect myself from that bastard Bush
or that bitch Hillary Clinton...
never trusted her from the start.
i can just see them (the crooks), sneaking into my bedroom at 3:00 AM, and shooting me in my sleep...
let's blame computer games,
let's blame Marilyn Manson
but we'd be a fool to blame america-
we'd be a fool to blame society
we'd be a fool to blame the government
we'd be a fool to blame the second amendment...
because we're perfect
america IS perfect
governments still enslave, confiscate, steal, over tax, kill, rape, torture, and mutilate
and children obtain firearms as a result of our "integrity"... as a result of our "freedom" the murder rate is up...
excuse me, i've done this to death...
excuse the pun, i've overshot my boundaries,
excuse the irony, i don't believe in the second amend
amend the
[that's what i] ment
just pull the t r i g g e r [HAPPY]
always be [unlocked

2 Apr 04

Rated 8.3 (7.4) by 13 users.
Active (13): 1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (23): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 6, 8, 8, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10

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(152 more poems by this author)

(9 users consider this poem a favorite)

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i don't know how i feel about the topic itself, but i wished this poem would never end
 — llama

I like the flow of this poem. I particularly like the clever use of thingies- [  ]  but yeah, it doesn't agree with my opinions, fortunately the poem was worded in such a way that I don't care, I liked it anyway.
 — ChrisTaylor

Bam! That's it. That's good. As usual, I'm gonna make the small claim that you could do a little more "showing" and less "telling", but in this case I really like it.
 — zepplin42

it sounds like you've seen it but, if you haven't watched "bowling for columbine" yet, it may add some fuel to this fire. I'm definetely on fence on this issue.....if you watch "bfc" it shows that canadians have just as many guns as we do. they can buy them in wal-marts or at gun shows with no five day waiting periods or background checks or whatever. Yet they dont kill people with the same volume and effeciency as we do. So there is something about america and not necessarily guns. That being said this is my only suggestion: line 63, you should use the []'s again, but like this: "because i need to protect myself from the [gun-weilding] psychos"  oh yeah, im pro-american too     -ColForbn
 — unknown

not to beat the subject to death but this poem really made an impression on me. and before i comment again on the topic i want to comment on the poetry (i suppose that is what the site's about) Great work. bold structure and excellent imagery esp in the l60's. Ok....and sorry again but this is a hot topic - i don't think eliminating the second amendment is the panacea you want it to be. its not like if the legislation is passed all the guns in this country are going to vaporize or something. Guns will just become another illegal commodity in this country ( like drugs) with millions of dollars of black-market revenue. And then, you are correct: the ones with guns WILL be the criminals or the bank-robbers, not be me or you who wants to go duck hunting or protect his family. I know this is a forum for poetry adn not a forum for politics but this poem just got be thinking (which is always good). oh and i wanna say to inuki this is not personally directed at you or your beliefs...i think you are totally correct in saying that we have a problem that needs to be adressed and i dont have the answers [either]  haha  its all good  
 — unknown

Surprised more people haven't commented on this one.
Great job!  
"a well armed populous is the best defense against tyranny"
...what a load of crap.
people hold on to the right to bear arms like its their only child.
if it was also our right to kill people on tuesday, their would be people who would excersize this right simply because its written in the almighty constitution...neglecting their own sense of moral obligation toward the general public
 — unknown

sorry for posting as unknown...that last one was me
 — Vonnegutman

inuki-you have been added to another of my personal heroes lists. i liek this as a comment on society, as well as a poem. the repetition, and near repetition of certain phrases is effective, and adds to the weight of the poem. i like the humour of 76. along poem that captured my interest from the first line and held it, i missed reading not a line. wonderful.
 — wendz

truely inspiring........
 — JIV3

the words sing. i like it.
 — britta

Are you eminem? I agree with what your saying. For me it flowed well 'cos I sort of rapped it :/
 — unknown

great poem! I like the use of puns and the choppy rhythm, giving it a more musical taste. The punctuations and [ have been incorporated with delicate care and meaning. the only "thing" (for a lack of vocabulary right now) that needs improvement is how it didn't flow well enough. The breaks become too much for me.
By the way, thanks for the reply on the message boards on how to see the author's name! You're awesome =)
 — cuishanying

it's more like a tell than a show, but the way you've done it is quite genius. the poem seems to be here more for the ideas and the formatting than for the poetic quality of the word arrangements. sort of like concrete poetry.

the form made it a bit confusing in some spots, but for the most part it kept the poem flowing and kept me reading. good work here.

i love the wordplay. you might or [might] not like my poem called redstate (more ironic and some people thought it was serious) cause it deals with the same sort of people who support the (second half) of the first amendment to the (con) stitution.

the poem can be found here

http://p oetry.tetto.org/read/12966/

let me digest, and i'll give you a comment soonly inuki
 — noodleman

i dont know what to say, i love you
 — brooksdevine

very controversial, but you kept it away from the preacher point of view by giving it flow and puns and goodies like that.  i will say i didn't agree with something, but that's overlooked.  the real point was what your heart felt in this poem, and that's what comes out in every line.  the irony was very good, very bitter and cynical, which i like anyway.  don't let people judge your work.  you know what it is, and that's all that matters.
 — sassybnyss

this really is a great poem. but i have just a little critisism

as far as the writing goes, i felt like it was a little bit too choppy and found myself re-reading a few lines.
as far as opinion goes and all that, i didnt understand the intro where you said you hoped the poems contents didnt sway comments too much. what did you expect?
i am sure michael moore didnt think he would win an Oscar for "bowling for columbine" or record breaking ticket sales for farenheight 911 because it was a great "movie".
 — duffyj83

I can see why this is top rated. One of the best poems i've read here no doubt.
l39-41, l49-53, l98....are just great!

there is no pur  

pose the quest  

ion floating in

just genius! I'm glad this one popped up randomly.
 — shakes

this poem sucks. this guy obviously has no idea what he's talking about.  trash, pure trash
 — unknown

 — tragicbubble

i loved it.
 — shakeit

i love love love love this!
 — ElegantWaste

wow....i am speechless!
 — dmartin

Speak out then , ITS HAPPENING !!!
 — unknown

loved the beat feeling of this, and really liked what felt like a passing homage to Ginsberg. Since joining I've read a bunch of things, but this is the first I've commented on. Flow of consciousness thing works so well with subject matter like this. Iwouldn't say change anything because it seems to erupt.
thanks for this
 — purplehouse

i don't really understand why you use the brackets.
 — omega

I like the brackets - its what is understood. I've read it omitting the stuff in the brackets and it works as well, but in doing so I saw the value of them
 — purplehouse

ah, i love people who give 1s without justification.
 — unknown

Too choppy.  Silly puns and wordplay just for wordplay's sake without adding any meaning.  Too long to make its point.
 — unknown

I enjoyed this. But I've got to correct you on one thing, america isn't perfect, it is pluperfect ;)

our forefathers wanted guns for the revolution, how could they have predicted tv with mass media would make us so placid. It's not the guns that kill people, it's the bullets. I'd stock up on those if I were you.

There are plenty of both in other countiries.... but freedom to choose to blame one thing or another instead of raising your children has backfired on us.
just remember, each one of those killers is a person, not a monster, despite what fox news says. You have to love the human condition.
 — PipPatois

Have a dictionary? Look up "ironic".
 — unknown

I like the style, even thought I do not consider it for myself. I enjoy the way you brought the point out for so long. It was as if bluntness could be so idyllic.
 — Him

i love it. it inspires me. i agree. i love it, words are unexplainable to describe it.
 — infinity

I absolutly love it.
 — unknown

it's tazers now

they're marketing tazers so we don't kill ourselves in self defence
 — peanut

true... all true...but those same guns that you hate to death.. those same guns that you oppose.. those same guns that bring death.. bring you the freedom that you oppress.... they bring you the freedom to say what you say and do what do.. without those guns.. you and I.. we would have no freedoms... it doesnt make their use right.. it doesnt mean that guns are wrong... it just means that you should think before you act.. after all.. its true what they say.. guns dont kill people.. people kill people...
 — unknown

great poem.. i posted above before i had an account.. its reading this poem that made me start one...i posted the "true..all true.. " above by unkown
 — Othrwize

wow. i didn't expect that too be any good honestly. But you surprised me, you're an amazing poet, have you thought about sending this to some publishers? I really would recommend it.
 — unknown

can't add anything to what's been said but 10
 — Bloodfetish

Truely remarkable. Very touching and....phenominal writing. Excellent work.
 — unknown

Now I feel stupid because I don't like this poem nearly as much as everyone else appears to.
 — FangzOfFire

i also dont really have a good thought about this poem i wish it would go on!
 — unknown

no way will i read this crap...
 — unknown

loved it. really started to groove and flow around l49 and i fell to the end. nice.
 — hank

I really agree with what you are saying, but how would you fix the problem? I quess this is the consequence we pay for being "free". but that's just my opinion. Seny
 — unknown

Too long and boring. Predictable. Hated it
 — LivingLies

i find the poem sad, really sad, but true... and the writer have some sort of brooding hate he tries hard to tone down, bu it's still there... i know i got chilled after reading this poem.. it's so sad.. and mad.
 — unknown

Excellent word play...might comment again soon when I have had a chance to think.

 — musicwords

having problems with my oldes son (my only son0 and I am a singel perant who has totaly disrespect my I can not handel this any more I at this time I am on xanx, nexum for my pain I feel in my heart please help me I also have  a daughter is headed te same way!!!!!!!!

yasmine amirez

[email protected],biz
 — unknown

         The guests are leaving

The day blew in with the wind,  
exposing the world and all of it's sin...  
Need not  worry, said nature with a grin.  
When the genocide is over, the healing can begin.
 — unknown

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