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Beauty in an eye
AEOS

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
 1
 
 
Beauty is in an eye.
 2
Beauty is an eye.
 3
 
 
From a different frame of reference,
 4
would beauty be the beholder of the eye?
 5
 
 
And I realize as I stand,
 6
cigarette in one hand, bottle in the other,
 7
amongst the ashes of a barn
 8
half burned,
 9
that true beauty lies in destruction.
 10
 
 
The barn is half burned.
 11
The half that is still intact is barely standing.
 12
And a lonely noose still hangs
 13
from one decaying rafter,
 14
even though the body rotted
 15
and fell
 16
and rotted,
 17
decomposed into the earth.
 18
Beauty lies in the destruction of a life, the birth of a death,
 19
and then the birth of another life.
 20
 
 
Because a small plant is growing directly under the noose,
 21
in the darkest part of the barn.
 22

13 Mar 04

Rated 7.7 (7.5) by 3 users.
Active (3): 6, 8, 9
Inactive (3): 7, 7, 8

(define the words in this poem)
(99 more poems by this author)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)
FataMorgana
jneiberger
pull_my_hair
ShelbyS



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Comments:

I liked it.  Line 12 there's two 'the's.  I don't feel that line 21 and 22 fit into the poem though.  There's a shift in tone, but it just doesn't seem to work.
 — manstrut

I like it a lot! :) It is different! But I like it!
~red87rokr06
 — unknown

to manstrut - i need a good ending to it. if i am to take off the last two lines, then it will be....... idk. i dont like the way that would end it. it would be a little too cut-off. if im gonna leave it with a cliff hanger type hting, i want it to be one that leaves off at the right point. get waht im saying? if you have any suggestions on any better ways to end it, then please tell me.
 — AEOS

Wow...took me a while to remember to come back to your poem.  In all honesty, I can't think of anything with which you could end this.  However, I would suggest incorporating the word 'beauty' as it is the essence of the poem, and mentioned in every other stanza.  Maybe something along the lines of:
Beauty is in an eye.
The eye is closed.

or

Under the noose
in the darkest part of the barn
beauty returns.
 — manstrut

hm....... yeah......... those are good ideas, but dont quite fit with the style that the rest of the poem has. ive been trying to come up with a better ending to it, but i cant really get anything because of my writing style. idk....... im still thinking. if i come up with any better ending that will fit to it, then i'll use that. but until i do,,,,, im just gonne let it how it is.
 — AEOS

you know, the more stuff of yours i read, the more i like. keep the ending couplet. it works, and it's really sweet imagery. summarises the whole poem basically. i gotta say though, i like what manstrut suggested, work it into your poem? those lines are very, very strong. maybe

21 'A small plant grows beneath the noose'
22 '[And] in the darkest part of the barn'
23 'Beauty Returned.'

just a thought.
 — wendz

yeah. thanks.
 — AEOS

the last two lines do this one for me.

i also like 'rotted, and fell and rotted'
the repetition of rotted, for some reason, isn't redundant, and sounds good.
 — shakeit

"they say beauty..." - who are 'they'? a peave of mine, though it may not bother others. not a big deal; still a nice poem.
 — unknown

This is intriguing..

"Beauty is in an eye.
Beauty is an eye. "

"true beauty lies in destruction"

Beautiful
 — FataMorgana

i like lines 13-20...they made sense...the rest did too..but those lines made a lot of sense for me..i don't know but i enjoyed it
~*candi*~
 — xXx_kiss_xXx

they == almost everyone.

"they" is being used as a word to describe the majority of people, since that's sort of a universal opinion.
 — AEOS

I really like this poem and I think the final couplet works very well. Life springing up from death is the destination to which the rest of the poem leads. This poem just made my favorites list. :)
 — jneiberger

thanks.
 — AEOS

love it! ;)
 — WildSymphony

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