poetry critical

online poetry workshop



A Maggot
tsackret

It was during the shedding of leaves
 1
This particular maggot lived and died
 2
Homebound
 3
It's long, short life
 4
In the moisty darkness
 5
That was the universe
 6
Under the roots of an apple tree.
 7
 
 
True though no creature
 8
May have born it well
 9
Yet this maggot
 10
Lonely as a cloud
 11
Never did need living breathing aquaintance
 12
For the ongoing cycle itself began
 13
Between the roots of the apple tree.
 14
 
 
And nature, ranting it's high pitch lullaby
 15
Silently took the warmth from the sun,
 16
And from the branches
 17
The playful orange, yellow and fawn
 18
While beneath the dark clustered grains
 19
The maggot, quietly, lay to rest
 20
Upon the roots of the apple tree.
 21

21 May 02

Rated 8.3 (7.8) by 10 users.
Active (10): 3, 3, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10

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(19 more poems by this author)

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Comments:

Salaam jesus! this is the finest nature poetry i've read on this site, no shitting. I love the narrative style, incredibly refreshing. i love 6-7, 12, 15, really the entire final stanza. Im going to read this one many times. great.
 — werkzeug

how come i'm the only person who noticed this poem? is it because of teh unpleasant title? I think it kicks ass.
 — werkzeug

it is *very* nice, werkzeug. i didn't care for it on the first read, but the second one wow-ed me. i'd suggest playing with the line breaks- you could add a lot of oomph to an already nice poem.
 — jade

wo... i'm not sure that I like the rip off of "lonely as a cloud". that's BLATANT plaigerism. maybe you could think up a better simile that doesn't rip off a classic poem. work a little harder for that image than your 7th grade Literature textbook. You can do better!!!
 — aforbing

there are only so many ways to intelligently arrange words though that you aren't going to copy sometimes. besides, it's possible that the reference was intentional.
 — jade

I have never felt this way about a maggot before. What a great poem.
 — Moose

damn good, damn good.
 — unknown

awesincreibrilliant. indeed.
 — onklcrispy

i'd like to marry you.
 — unknown

nice one
 — davidm

This is brilliant
but just to bring you down off your high

I'd say that this is too long for what it is. While I can't see anythign wrong and it's beautifully polished I honestly don't care enough about a maggot to read this much on it (having said that I have read it, twice... so I may just be talking shit)

XxXx
 — Minx

fantastic
 — unknown

Hey aforbing: Don't be such a crusty asshole. This is good.
 — unknown

Line 5 - do you mean moistly, or moist? or have you made up a new word combining the two?

Line 12 - acquaintance

I love this poem. I have since I first read it. It's in my favourites list, has been there for ages, but I never got around to commenting on it.
 — Lia

I love this poem its just so au naturelle. I want to meet this maggot as he sounds like he knows the secrets of the universe. Which apple tree does he live under?
 — larrylark

I am the maggot!
You are the maggot!
The maggot is God!
 — violet

i like poems that have a key to the poem at the end of each stanza, that vary slightly through each repetition, and close with that last change. i've seen it sometimes in songs. you use it well.
 — listen

Thanks! I like the subtly rythmic effect it has, like silent music
 — tsackret

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