poetry critical

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Birds I call to join my body,
wings of wind to twist and twirl,
lift me up to stars and moonlight,
mix with mist and run on rain.
Let me rise above my rooftop,
grant me wishes without wells,
I will play with snow-borne rainbows,
chase his reindeer, ring their bells.
Soaring lightly, diving steeply,
plunging weakly to the ground.
Hear my calling; help I'm falling.
Ground, you're scary, stay away!
On waking though, I would be slow,
to even animate my body.
To call my limbs to life from slumber,
or summon will to 'sit up straight',
to charm my heart to start the chores,
or will my toes to touch the floors.
I longed to go to sleep again,
until one day, you'll hear my friend;
my dreams became my days:
The greatest, oldest, wisest man,
he came so cheery, right to me,
and I was his apprentice.
Things I learned in those first days,
numerous from book and scroll.
Meditated into memory,
all the truths of new and old.
Wit and Will can shape the worldly,
I invoke the might of mind,
zenith of my meditation,
as I leave my flesh behind!
Gandle cesture, salty circles,
scrunic rying, I command!
But I cannot find the words to
speak now as I wave my hand!
Abjucation, divi-vision,
as above me, so behind!
Help me master, an apprentice
needs your help to clear his mind.
I twitch and stir as I wake up
from a dream once more.
Peeking from my battered hat,
I see a fly lift from my beard.
Then I smile, and think of children,
as I pet my faithless feline.
Children just like me -
before I came to tire faster,
as I became the aging master.

7 Jan 04

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I like it, barring a few caveats. The rhythm sometimes seems quite stuttery and the passages that rhyme intersperced with non rhyming passages only add to this problem.

However, I thought "gandle cesture, salty circles, scrunic rying" was excellent.
 — mgill

I especially (well, mostly only) love the italicized parts. As for gandle cesture, I thought you might have mistyped and meant candle gesture!

Some of this seems beyond excellent.
 — Isabelle5

Speaking of "Aprentice"... Did anyone watch that show last night? It was kinda gay, but I watched it all the same. Should be interesting to see how it comes out. What's up with the italics?
 — aforbing