poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Visit from the Highlands
unknown

We played hooky, the music-man and I,
 1
dodging waves coming rough
 2
against the Pacific shore.
 3
 
 
He said it’s cold in Scotland,
 4
the sea never sleeps
 5
and he walked the sea-shelf
 6
many times with whiskey
 7
in a flask, moon-light painting
 8
silver streaks on his hair.
 9
 
 
Kinder in person than in print,
 10
he opened doors for me,
 11
shared my slice of carrot cake,
 12
told me stories meant for grandchildren.
 13
 
 
We must have kind faces,
 14
for people smiled as we past,
 15
deep in conversations that could not
 16
be told in rhythms or in rhyme,
 17
or perhaps it was the sight
 18
of two old people, walking
 19
arm in mental arm.
 20
 
 
Later, my piano sang as his fingers
 21
raced across the keys; he told me
 22
it was out of tune.
 23
 
 
“I already knew that,” I confessed.
 24
 
 
He left on a Sunday,
 25
the traditional day of rest,
 26
his Scottish footfalls
 27
light on my heart’s sand.
 28

2 Aug 07

Rated 9 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 9
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

charming. A few nits:
L9: doesn't fit-- moonbeams silver the air; they don't look cheap.
L 20: delete "mental"
Toss L 25.
lift 26+27 with a comma after confessed ( L 24)

Line 10 raises so many luminous questions and possibilities.
Lovely poem and setting.
 — banditfemme

Thank you, good comment about the streaks.  Revisited that.   Not sure I want to delete mental, as we are not physically walking arm in arm, but I will add a comma.  
 — unknown

Top Rated (expand)
Recent Best (expand)
  • 1. Except I be by Sylvia in the night
  • 2. An Honorable Man
  • 3. The Sunflower Girl
  • 4. saturdays and sundays at 6am
  • 5. And you come
  • 6. Existentialist In God's Garden
  • 7. Adelaide and Dundas (tracks going nowhere)
  • 8. And I Have Loved Thee, Oh Shun
  • 9. hank and i press our hands
  • 10. wittgenstein's art ( a story in verse )
  • 11. On the road home
  • 12. A Village in Saskatchewan
  • 13. //my friend's sister//
  • 14. You Kissed Like a Prostitute
  • 15. Food Chain
0.382s