poetry critical : poem

god, you so remind me of bukowski

unknown

bukowski	1
keeps me up	2
nights	3

will you	4
help me	5
with my	6
writing?	7

a fifteen year old	8
platinum haired	9
lady-poet	10
from arizona	11
emailed	12
along with a photo	13
of herself	14
giving an orange pop-sickle	15
a rough ride.	16

honey,	17
i emailed back:	18

first off	19
i can't even manage	20
the incidentals	21
of my own	22
petty-larceny	23

second off	24
bukowski was an	25
idiot	26

he abandoned his	27
wife and daughter	28

bitched the same	29
life is so hard tone	30
while always doing	31
what he wanted	32
when he wanted.	33

i'll tell you	34
this:	35

go read some	36
raymond carver	37
a little henry miller	38
not too much	39

get to know	40
your grandparents	41
as human beings	42
before they die	43

ziploc that sickle	44
stash it in the freezer	45
and hit me up	46
in three years.	47

15 Jul 07

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 6 users.

Active (6): 7, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

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Comments:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA...
— amaviena

this is the best thing i've read in ages. 10
— bowiegirl

I'm interested in your use of "pop-sickle."

it seemed clever...intended?
more realism...am I stalking you yet?

your particular writing style yet amuses me.
— amaviena

am,
bo,

thanks for reading.

justin.
— unknown

KNEW IT.
hey, justin,
I can pick you out even without the backslashes
and I've been here little more than a week.

Your voice is present, to say the least.
— amaviena

this is great, right on the money!  The poem is good, the idea behind it even better.
— slancho

the wonderful thing about this poem is that it is written as if from the point of view of Bukowski, very gracefully and without cashing in on the usual metaphors associated with him.  Well, there is a girl but she is by no means a glamorous one - and almost laughable with her lollipop.  Great tone, a wonderful, original idea, and an advice to take to heart.

Good work, Justin, as always, very good work.
This one is to read over and over again when confronted with the omniscence of idols.

Kindly
Maria
— slancho

lines 24 > 33 reads properly like bukowski writing about bukowski

i do quite like the bukowskiesque rest :)

does try to capture the same 'life is so hard tone' very well

-Mong-
— Mongrol

maria,
mong,

thanks for reading.

justin.
— unknown

Awww.... this was a nice poem for my birthday.  I loved it.
— aforbing

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