poetry critical

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god, you so remind me of bukowski

keeps me up
will you
help me
with my
a fifteen year old
platinum haired
from arizona
along with a photo
of herself
giving an orange pop-sickle
a rough ride.
i emailed back:
first off
i can't even manage
the incidentals
of my own
second off
bukowski was an
he abandoned his
wife and daughter
bitched the same
life is so hard tone
while always doing
what he wanted
when he wanted.
i'll tell you
go read some
raymond carver
a little henry miller
not too much
get to know
your grandparents
as human beings
before they die
ziploc that sickle
stash it in the freezer
and hit me up
in three years.

15 Jul 07

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 6 users.
Active (6): 7, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

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 — amaviena

this is the best thing i've read in ages. 10
 — bowiegirl

I'm interested in your use of "pop-sickle."

it seemed clever...intended?
more realism...am I stalking you yet?

your particular writing style yet amuses me.
 — amaviena


thanks for reading.

 — unknown

hey, justin,
I can pick you out even without the backslashes
and I've been here little more than a week.

Your voice is present, to say the least.
 — amaviena

this is great, right on the money!  The poem is good, the idea behind it even better.  
 — slancho

the wonderful thing about this poem is that it is written as if from the point of view of Bukowski, very gracefully and without cashing in on the usual metaphors associated with him.  Well, there is a girl but she is by no means a glamorous one - and almost laughable with her lollipop.  Great tone, a wonderful, original idea, and an advice to take to heart.

Good work, Justin, as always, very good work.
This one is to read over and over again when confronted with the omniscence of idols.

 — slancho

lines 24 > 33 reads properly like bukowski writing about bukowski

i do quite like the bukowskiesque rest :)

does try to capture the same 'life is so hard tone' very well

 — Mongrol


thanks for reading.

 — unknown

Awww.... this was a nice poem for my birthday.  I loved it.
 — aforbing

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