poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Amnesiac
trochee

Under the silent streetlit corner,
 1
close to the beaming cozy lamp post.
 2
Where the air lay amber,
 3
with no hint of breathing shadow.
 4
 
 
What is that rotten stench?
 5
As if something was left
 6
forgotten.
 7




As discussed with one of my friends - Rem. Thnks

13 Jul 07


(define the words in this poem)
(38 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

wow, I really like this trochee (so sorry I got your name wrong!)
I like you images very much, especially in line 3. I may consider changing "lamp post" to "street lamp" (althought that may not work so well with "streetlit" in line 1) since a lamp post can't really "beam", and that may stop the image from coming across perfectly to the reader. I also really like the enjambement between L6/7.
great work!
 — sparrow

if you were under the [...] corner, you'd be buried or underground. another preposition would be better, or perhaps specify under a streelight. for me the chosen adjectives, and the number of them, restrain atmosphere rather than create it.
 — unknown

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)
0.176s