poetry critical

online poetry workshop


Under the silent streetlit corner,
close to the beaming cozy lamp post.
Where the air lay amber,
with no hint of breathing shadow.
What is that rotten stench?
As if something was left

As discussed with one of my friends - Rem. Thnks

13 Jul 07

(define the words in this poem)
(38 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


wow, I really like this trochee (so sorry I got your name wrong!)
I like you images very much, especially in line 3. I may consider changing "lamp post" to "street lamp" (althought that may not work so well with "streetlit" in line 1) since a lamp post can't really "beam", and that may stop the image from coming across perfectly to the reader. I also really like the enjambement between L6/7.
great work!
 — sparrow

if you were under the [...] corner, you'd be buried or underground. another preposition would be better, or perhaps specify under a streelight. for me the chosen adjectives, and the number of them, restrain atmosphere rather than create it.
 — unknown

Newest (expand)
Recently Commented (expand)
Recent Best (expand)