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Birthday
unknown

It was sometime in the evening
 1
the light was fading fast
 2
creation's hand was moving,
 3
your time had come at last.
 4
 
 
The mid-wife couldn't make it
 5
wouldn't earn her fee.
 6
There was just your mum and i
 7
and soon we would be three.
 8
 
 
Into my arms you came, but shock
 9
and fear of death.
 10
Purple pallor in your skin
 11
eyes closed, no breath.
 12
 
 
Try the kiss of life i thought
 13
but before i even tried,
 14
a stirring in the face,
 15
your eyes they opened wide.
 16
 
 
Alert and bright they locked on mine
 17
A banshee wail split the night
 18
(oh my god, that's my father)
 19
and before my very eyes, as the
 20
new day sun colours pink in morning skies,
 21
a new born life begun.
 22
 
 
I was somewhere in a dream when
 23
you came into this world
 24
a gift from God so perfect
 25
my darling baby girl.
 26

10 Jul 07

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Comments:

I lost you in L's 17-22, the rhythm being all over the place.
L21 in particular is crazy long and wordy with "new day" and "morning".
maybe just "as the sun pinks in morning sky"?

anyway, this is sweet, gotta love a baby rhyme.
congrats to you.
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

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