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a blue world for juan

thoughts adapt for becoming words.
thoughts before then, that moment,
free like birds.
thoughts like little blue angels with long white wings
devouring to become
some lesser things,
below the topsoil and up-and-becoming
a thing blooming: a thing beautiful with long white legs
it isn't me.
i'm speaking with my necktie:
a long-legged cloud
walking across the mountain lines
"it is littering my life with rain."
how sick and worried i am, i'm sorry.
tired eyes whine for a beer
this is life.
let's go someplace
to bring small chats with wrong words:
where thoughts are wrongly formed
into gangsters and thugs
they come out of my mouth
and you will make a sad mouth.
always fighting for nobody to care
this is my commentary on the world.
we are not there
they are not here
in love
there are no words for forming
let's be.

10 Jul 07

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OKcomputer, this is beauty.

My sister's name is Juanita and I thought about her the entire time I was reading this.

 — PollyReg

i only like line 1 to mid 7-
some lines are probably useless...
 — greenmantle

ah, a cup of perfect coffee and this. What sweeter ingredients for a summer morning pit stop?
First thoughts:

Ls 1-3 would design an enticing introduction.
I suggest ( with good reason )
thoughts adapt to become words

L 17: you don't require "to"
Who else could do this but you? Rhetorical question. Lines 17-22: wrong/wrongly

it comes out right.

I adore the cameo appearance of your neck tie. Have not forgotten your yellow yellowed brided  balloon chasing bowtie.


this is heartbreaking. morsels of what I dare to suggest as truths scattered like tasty petals or broken balloon souvenirs.
 — banditfemme

 — banditfemme

edited. thanks bf. :):)
 — OKcomputer

line 17 edited. still considering 1
 — OKcomputer

thank you pollyreg ;)
 — OKcomputer

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