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a blue world for juan
OKcomputer

thoughts adapt for becoming words.
 1
thoughts before then, that moment,
 2
free like birds.
 3
 
 
thoughts like little blue angels with long white wings
 4
devouring to become
 5
some lesser things,
 6
below the topsoil and up-and-becoming
 7
a thing blooming: a thing beautiful with long white legs
 8
it isn't me.
 9
 
 
i'm speaking with my necktie:
 10
a long-legged cloud
 11
walking across the mountain lines
 12
"it is littering my life with rain."
 13
how sick and worried i am, i'm sorry.
 14
tired eyes whine for a beer
 15
this is life.
 16
 
 
let's go someplace
 17
to bring small chats with wrong words:
 18
where thoughts are wrongly formed
 19
into gangsters and thugs
 20
they come out of my mouth
 21
and you will make a sad mouth.
 22
 
 
always fighting for nobody to care
 23
this is my commentary on the world.
 24
we are not there
 25
they are not here
 26
 
 
in love
 27
there are no words for forming
 28
let's be.
 29

10 Jul 07

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
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banditfemme
PollyReg



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Comments:

OKcomputer, this is beauty.

My sister's name is Juanita and I thought about her the entire time I was reading this.

Thanks,
 — PollyReg

i only like line 1 to mid 7-
some lines are probably useless...
 — greenmantle

ah, a cup of perfect coffee and this. What sweeter ingredients for a summer morning pit stop?
First thoughts:

Ls 1-3 would design an enticing introduction.
I suggest ( with good reason )
thoughts adapt to become words

L 17: you don't require "to"
Who else could do this but you? Rhetorical question. Lines 17-22: wrong/wrongly
mouth/mouth
gobsmackingly
.
.
.

it comes out right.

I adore the cameo appearance of your neck tie. Have not forgotten your yellow yellowed brided  balloon chasing bowtie.

ok

this is heartbreaking. morsels of what I dare to suggest as truths scattered like tasty petals or broken balloon souvenirs.
 — banditfemme

hi
 — banditfemme

edited. thanks bf. :):)
 — OKcomputer

line 17 edited. still considering 1
 — OKcomputer

thank you pollyreg ;)
 — OKcomputer

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