poetry critical

online poetry workshop



trail of blood
tragicbubble

the trail of blood, of past loves, shudders
 1
when I step too close. I want to make your bones
 2
the white frame of my windowsill, strip
 3
ribbons of skin from your back and lace my shoes.
 4
I want to keep pieces of you with me everywhere
 5
I go. I never want to be just another tally on the prison wall
 6
above your bed, another notch in your headboard.
 7
instead twist me till I fit the depression in your sheets,
 8
the ache and crease between our vessels.
 9
tonight the parallels between our skin is closed.
 10
follow the yellow brick road, darling. pin the witch
 11
beneath the mattress, her shoulders driving nails
 12
to the floorboard. your heavy heart is what I call my home,
 13
the fear of fucking up my saving grace. give me the upper hand
 14
so I have something to hold.
 15
as I’m going down on you.
 16

3 Jul 07

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(41 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

A powerful poem. If it were mine I'd get rid of the first line and start with the very powerful -
"I want to make your bones the white frame of my windowsill" I also think it reads better if you delete the phrase "the fear of fucking up my saving grace." And please lose the last line. It detracts from a well written piece.
 — erato

Newest (expand)
  • CAN YOU SELL THE PRESIDENT?
  • Prophet
  • the origins of poetry
  • On A Picture From The Scopes Trial
  • Autumn Breeze
  • Five Healthy Verses for the Children
  • On the side of the road
  • A prospective uncertainty
  • jealousy
  • emotions
  • mock poetry
  • shopping list - ( you're going to hate me ! )
  • In the Dark
  • Jakes Crew Luck
  • Hey! Moon!
Recently Commented (expand)
0.503s