poetry critical

online poetry workshop



"The Future: So Near Yet So Far"
deadstar21

7-1-07
 1
 
 
 
 
                                 “The Future: So Near Yet So Far”
 2
 
 
 
 
My experience in sixteen trying yet wonderous years, is that life is a journey and a surprise.
 3
As uncontrollable mine and others’ futures may be-but it is often interesting to me how the fear of the future-dark, wicked and most often gloomy-drives us to hide in the supposed safety of our minds.
 4
Looking at myself in the truthful, glass mirror, I see myself as a young woman who is, in both intellect, body, spirit and emotions, growing and changing.
 5
Although wanting to be an adult very rapidly, yet wanting to remain a child, is sometimes quite difficult and paining.
 6
As a teen, I am  grateful yet I rebel quite a bit, and am  filled with either anger or minor annoyance (that would soon erupt) most of the time. As I continue to become older and wiser, I try to stay to my own rhythm, beat, and rhyme.
 7
Nails painted hot pink, I’m talking to Emily-my best friend in my world, although we’re growing apart, slowly as an snail, yet happily as a clam- enjoying my summer days, and sitting on my bed-my “throne”.
 8
Ten years later, unmarried, in medical school and distress, somewhat of a child again-although this time I’m more scared...and alone.
 9
My parents, kind yet firm, have done what they are supposed to do, and they continue to do so.
 10
Now they say, “It’s up to you.”
 11
Yes, the choice is mine, but I must choose consciously to live in the present, or else my speculations might trigger an obsession, and worse yet, more pent up anger and tension.
 12
And it is at that point, that I realize that I shall continue the cycle, continue spinning my wheels with frustration.
 13
Unless I can end this longing, and find my place, and destination.
 14
Somewhere, at some point in time, the hourglass filled with sand will come to a halting stop; an abrupt end.
 15
Occasionally as humans, we try to twist reality from our thoughts and make it into life itself, but in the end-whenever, wherever- the truth of life just cannot be bent.
 16

1 Jul 07

Rated 6 (6) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(16 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

Don't really see this as a poem. More like an essay.
 — erato

Was this a school assignment?  It's hard to read packed tightly this way.  Can you break it into verses so it has some white space to breathe in?

You have so many ideas in this that you might want to choose one or two and make separate poems of them.  Lines such as line 8 are loaded with information, not necessarily in a good way.  It's very descriptive but perhaps overly so.

Maybe the problem is that you have too many phrases in phrases, separated by , but just running on and on.

You need to cut the chaff, sift the wheat of the words and find a way to say all you need the reader to know in a few words as you need to make the point clearly.

Good luck.
 — Isabelle5

0.525s