| Prequel To A Lost Hat (Film Noir) |
banditfemme
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the enticing lighting
of a cigarette,
the silk hiss
of a shed stocking
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It rains;
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1 |
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a black hat tumbles
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2 |
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out of a phone booth.
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3 |
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The blonde
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4 |
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in disarray
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5 |
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clutches a paper
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6 |
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pocked with numbers;
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7 |
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punctuation marks
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8 |
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like miniature assassins
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9 |
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stalk her every movement.
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10 |
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A snake coils around her neck,
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11 |
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ouroborous with execution intent,
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12 |
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rosary beads, bullets
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13 |
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candy aspirin bulge in pockets.
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14 |
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She opens smudged lips,
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15 |
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swallows tin crucifix,
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16 |
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every foreign language
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17 |
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designed to pierce her culture.
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18 |
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1 Jul 07 |
Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(15 more poems by this author)
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Comments:
stupendous
— unknown
i am listening to nina simone; your poem and the music fit perfectly [though nowhere close to noir, the music i mean]. on a cold southern hemisphere night, it's chilly in cape town.
the poem - is a lovely prequel.
i'm very unsure about the word pocked. but i don't have a suggestion either. menh.
consider 'movements' instead of 'every movement'. or even 'every moment'. i like that better, every moment.
would you consider a hyphen at the end of 12? comma just isn't sitting right somehow... perhaps i need to read more.
opens? no. 'parts' perhaps? don't need 'she' either, it's re-iterated in line 18.
wonderful poem.
thanks.
— varun
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