poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Angry Rant, Patting Myself on the Back

Please tell me you will never leave your little boy,
that you will not put his worth in a ledger,
and that you will not tell him it is too much.
Please don't ask your little one to live with you,
especially if you don't mean it.
Don't let your little boy come to stay and then you
work overtime for the two weeks he is visiting.
Don't leave him with your new wife who scrubs
the entire carpet with a toothbrush.
Please tell me you will never let much time pass
without fixing the wrongs in life that hurt.
Don't tell your little boy who is now a man that
you are fine, cancer is kicked, and die a few days later.
Please don't tell your relatives that your relationship
with your son is great when you never call, write, or visit.
Please tell your little boy that you love him,
and mean it. Invite your grown son to your deathbed,
so that your little boy can say;
I love

30 Jun 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Stay with singular - second line "his" worth, third line "him" it is too much, line 16 love "him."
 — erato

L12-13, power! L7 remove comma and maybe change 'he should see you' to 'if he should see you' or 'when he visits' or something of that ilk. It reads a little off. I also parrot erato's comment re: pronoun agreement. Other than that I really like this. Every father, good or bad, should definitely give this a read. Thx.
 — rrichards5

erato - Thanks you. I made the changes.

rrichards5 - Thanks you. I am glad you like it. I fixed it, I hope it sounds better.
 — yes

Rather - Thank you - errors abound - lol
 — yes

Newest (expand)
  • A Conversation between Two Ants
  • patriotic soldier
  • Independence
  • Case Closed
  • The Monarchs are Coming
  • succumbing to hate
  • The Haunting Pt.I
  • Grandmother clock
  • Boy meets girl
  • 180
  • Disaster
  • Belly ache
  • Race Point
  • I Like Foreplay.
  • Brazen
Recently Commented (expand)