poetry critical : poem

He Said, She Said

erato

I heard God whisper	1
in my ear - “Your	2
soul is black,	3
damnation’s near. “	4
When He was done	5
with His attack, I	6
grabbed His ear	7
and whispered back.	8

“Cut down that tree,	9
the apple’s sour -	10
lust, temptation,	11
wormy flower.	12
Let free will wither	13
on the vine - then I,	14
like You,	15
can be divine.”	16

29 Jun 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.

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Comments:

not near as good as bing bing bong
— unknown

Dear unknown. A constructive criticism would be more helpful.
— erato

erato. A fine poem, no suggestions for improvement, L9 to L16 greatly enjoyed
The whole piece is streets ahead of bing bong bong imo
— unknown

I really like this. It's a great comment on the human species' inability attain perfection as long as there is free choice.
— skinnyJon

almost like Emily Dickinson or Blake. Abstraction in poetry is always difficult to get right wholly.
— karly22

I agree with unknown N#2 and say this is way better than bing bing bong and i thorughly enjoyed it, especially since it has a wittykind of shortrness to it.
— unknown

Thanks to all who took the time to read and comment.
— erato

This is excellent. Post more
— unknown

karly22
To be even mentioned in the same context as Emily, the high priestess of poetry, made my day. An instructor I once had said she was the "hard liquor" of poetry. My humble thanks.
— erato

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