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He Said, She Said
erato

I heard God whisper
 1
in my ear - “Your
 2
soul is black,
 3
damnation’s near. “
 4
When He was done
 5
with His attack, I
 6
grabbed His ear
 7
and whispered back.
 8
 
 
“Cut down that tree,
 9
the apple’s sour -
 10
lust, temptation,
 11
wormy flower.  
 12
Let free will wither  
 13
on the vine - then I,
 14
like You,
 15
can be divine.”
 16

29 Jun 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
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Comments:

not near as good as bing bing bong
 — unknown

Dear unknown. A constructive criticism would be more helpful.
 — erato

erato. A fine poem, no suggestions for improvement, L9 to L16 greatly enjoyed
The whole piece is streets ahead of bing bong bong imo
 — unknown

I really like this. It's a great comment on the human species' inability attain perfection as long as there is free choice.
 — skinnyJon

almost like Emily Dickinson or Blake. Abstraction in poetry is always difficult to get right wholly.
 — karly22

I agree with unknown N#2 and say this is way better than bing bing bong and i thorughly enjoyed it, especially since it has a wittykind of shortrness to it.
 — unknown

Thanks to all who took the time to read and comment.
 — erato

This is excellent.  Post more
 — unknown

karly22
  To be even mentioned in the same context as Emily, the high priestess of poetry, made my day. An instructor I once had said she was the "hard liquor" of poetry.  My humble thanks.
 — erato

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