poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Assumption
unknown

For him it’s a given that
 1
I’ll write and succeed
 2
so he blows me off.
 3
 
 
I cook,
 4
make wine, cheese,
 5
sculpt in paper, in clay, in cake
 6
I paint, I draw,
 7
 
 
all excellent achievements
 8
his idea of me allows no flaw
 9
to him I am perfection
 10
I am banked.
 11
expects me to compound on my own.
 12
 
 
I am no treasure
 13
just a colander of steel
 14
and the clear juice
 15
drains into the cup
 16
while the meat
 17
stays behind.
 18
 
 
and I want him to taste
 19
the meat.
 20

29 Jun 07

Rated 7 (7) by 1 users.
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Comments:

this is only whinging
 — unknown

I think that if you added something to the end.  You want him to taste the meat, he only drinks the juice.  Something to show that even with all you are, he doesn't understand.

One might ask why you allow this.
 — Isabelle5

it's a mega-watt spotlight on one persons fragile emotions. sickly-cutesy. i hated poetry as a youth because of things like this. it has nothing to do with poetry, but more to do with unconfident souls who weep alot.
 — unknown

Ah, tongue in cheek, I didn't get that.  Yes, we are all familiar with the "poor me" syndrome of some people.  Yet they stay in the very situation that allows them the most groans.  
 — Isabelle5

Assumption

that
succeed
off

cook
cheese
cake
draw

achievements
flaw
perfection
banked
own

treasure
steel
juice
cup
meat
behind

taste
meat

This way its a much better poem
the reader can assign their own meaning.
 — unknown

Why do critters always mistake the poem for the poet.

L2  doesn't work for me
I'd rather see another word for meat in L17
Enjoyed ty
 — unknown

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