Picked Clean |
erato
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Thick clusters of promise
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1 |
hang from the branches
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2 |
of my blueberry bushes.
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3 |
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With black thread
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4 |
I fasten strips of foil -
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5 |
flashes of sunlight
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6 |
meant to scare.
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7 |
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Predacious eyes
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8 |
shine down -
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9 |
the ravenous one.
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10 |
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Flashing foil
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11 |
cannot frighten a bird
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12 |
nor good intentions
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13 |
guard a chaste heart.
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14 |
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My bushes are purple heavy,
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15 |
weighted with fruit.
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16 |
Hush - I hear hungry wings.
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17 |
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28 Jun 07 |
Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 2 users.
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Comments:
Another good poem today! Excellent. That last line might have to be purloined...I like it very much, it conveys much in a small space.
— Isabelle5
Thank you Isabelle5. New to this site. Just feeling my way around. Hope I will get some helpful criticisms.
— erato
Lines 13+14 are beautifully framed. You might want to think of a replacementg noun for "foil" in L 11 inasmuch as you already used it in L 5.
You know what they say about good intentions . . . .?
I like your poem. A lot.
— banditfemme
Thanks banditfemme, I'll consider your suggestion.
— erato
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