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Picked Clean
erato

Thick clusters of promise                                    
 1
hang from the branches
 2
of my blueberry bushes.
 3
 
 
With black thread
 4
I fasten strips of foil -
 5
flashes of sunlight
 6
meant to scare.
 7
 
 
Predacious eyes
 8
shine down -
 9
the ravenous one.
 10
 
 
Flashing foil
 11
cannot frighten a bird
 12
nor good intentions
 13
guard a chaste heart.
 14
 
 
My bushes are purple heavy,
 15
weighted with fruit.
 16
Hush - I hear hungry wings.
 17

28 Jun 07

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Comments:

Another good poem today!   Excellent.  That last line might have to be purloined...I like it very much, it conveys much in a small space.
 — Isabelle5

Thank you Isabelle5. New to this site. Just feeling my way around. Hope I will get some helpful criticisms.
 — erato

Lines 13+14 are beautifully framed. You might want to think of a replacementg noun for "foil" in L 11 inasmuch as you already used it in L 5.

You know what they say about good intentions . . . .?

I like your poem. A lot.
 — banditfemme

Thanks banditfemme, I'll consider your suggestion.
 — erato

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