poetry critical

online poetry workshop

March 16, 2006

MARCH  16, 2006
Listen to the sound
     of my heart breaking
And my delicate soul
     being torn in two.
There is a love
     I’ve loved
     And we have loved
Yet I can fight the storm no more.
What causes
     a heart to turn cold
And tender arms
     to cease from caring?
Have not I been good?
     Have not I been faithful?
Yet I cannot
     control the enemies’
Listen again to the sound
     of my heart breaking
As I am tormented
     with pleasant thoughts of yesteryear.
Where hath the joy gone?
     What turned his soul so?
An affectionate touch
     I am unable to receive again.
There is a man
     who boasted of his joy
     for our love
Yet only a day ago
     he kissed me.
There is a man
     who loved me so
Yet he says it is
     wrong for us to love.
Listen, finally to the sound
     of my heart breaking
As I sink into an endless sleep
     Pain, sorrow and misery no more.

24 Jun 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(7 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


Very nice.  It's a little corny in spots; 'hath' in L23 might just as well be 'has' without losing the tone of the poem.  And L22 just doesn't quite seem to scan to me, or maybe it's just that I don't like the word 'yesteryear'.

All in all, a good effort.
 — skinnyJon

Newest (expand)
  • Big feet in small shoes
  • A questionable sonnet
  • Lancashire, 1960 (pub-style)
  • tit for tat
  • Double Hung (Poem 920)
  • Exabyte
  • Venue
  • drift
  • Tranquil Tease
  • A secured but weakened heart
  • the arousal of exposure
  • Talking Shit
  • Sunbeams
  • vision
  • death of a lonely poet
Recently Commented (expand)