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March 16, 2006
cohoyo1

MARCH  16, 2006
 1
 
 
Listen to the sound
 2
     of my heart breaking
 3
And my delicate soul
 4
     being torn in two.
 5
 
 
There is a love
 6
     I’ve loved
 7
     And we have loved
 8
Yet I can fight the storm no more.
 9
 
 
What causes
 10
     a heart to turn cold
 11
And tender arms
 12
     to cease from caring?
 13
 
 
Have not I been good?
 14
     Have not I been faithful?
 15
Yet I cannot
 16
     control the enemies’
 17
     attacks.
 18
 
 
Listen again to the sound
 19
     of my heart breaking
 20
As I am tormented
 21
     with pleasant thoughts of yesteryear.
 22
 
 
Where hath the joy gone?
 23
     What turned his soul so?
 24
An affectionate touch
 25
     I am unable to receive again.
 26
 
 
There is a man
 27
     who boasted of his joy
 28
     for our love
 29
Yet only a day ago
 30
     he kissed me.
 31
 
 
There is a man
 32
     who loved me so
 33
Yet he says it is
 34
     wrong for us to love.
 35
 
 
 
 
Listen, finally to the sound
 36
     of my heart breaking
 37
As I sink into an endless sleep
 38
     Pain, sorrow and misery no more.
 39

24 Jun 07

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Comments:

Very nice.  It's a little corny in spots; 'hath' in L23 might just as well be 'has' without losing the tone of the poem.  And L22 just doesn't quite seem to scan to me, or maybe it's just that I don't like the word 'yesteryear'.

All in all, a good effort.
 — skinnyJon

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