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mothers,....who needs them?
crismonblue

that symbolic
 1
umbilical cord,
 2
wraps around my throat,
 3
pulsing/choking
 4
 
 
paranoia consumes...
 5

20 Jun 07

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Comments:

hmm. too minimal for much to be said...maybe try again?
 — gem_grrrl

good.
you don't need "symbolic." That is understood.
I believe you have a typo= pulsing.


very interesting 5th line. Mothers consume too. You could say it's their vocation.
 — banditfemme

Holy maternal issues, Batgirl! I believe this might need some fleshing out in order to reach its full potential. I felt a bit let down by the last line. I love the way "symbolic umbilical cord" rolls off the tongue, though...
 — DrakeScott

CUT IT!  One good snip...

I'm not sure why paranoia would consume.  It seems more like claustrophobia or something related to still being smothered would work better.  If you had it wrapped around your life, not your throat...?

This might be too small to be effective as is.  
 — Isabelle5

paranoia can consume thoughts,....... clautrophobia is a more tangible feeling where as paranoia is one of a more physcological struggle.
 — unknown

I'm sorry, I don't seem to be able to relate mothers and paranoia.  If that's how you see it, then I'm REALLY sorry.  Mothers should be the safest place for their children.  
 — Isabelle5

ah!....its not the paranoia of the child its the paranoia of the mother that consumes! but u are absolutely right!
 — crismonblue

Oh, I see, the letting go and giving the child to the world.  

That is a chord you can never cut.  Trust me, you don't have children, they have you forever and all time!
 — Isabelle5

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