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I was a fool
for you
for loving you
knowing my heart would be broken
I am a fool
for taking you back
but I am glad to be
YOUR fool

20 Jun 07

Rated 6.3 (6.3) by 3 users.
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i think it comes down too heavy towards the end. also, some of the linebreaks should be spaced out further i think because not all of them are equally distant in terms of the poetry and flow itself.
 — Virgil

thanks for your comment, virgil. it's much appreciated. i made the suggested changes. is it any better? i'd love to hear any advice on line breaks.
 — luvscost

gah,...... i think this is something everyone can understand. being bound by nothing more then hope....*sigh*
 — crismonblue

the poem isn't doing anything; isn't compressing; isn't imparting.  
yet. !
lead us readers by the hand, especially when it comes to writing about love, because it's such a universal experience it's tragically overdone.
more. deeper. keep writing!
 — gem_grrrl

Since the reader has no personal information about the situation, it's not really able to move us.  Perhaps more story would help define the foolish part.  

As it's currently written, it might only make sense to you and the owner of your foolish heart.  (aside - Why be anyone's fool?  We all deserve more than that!)
 — Isabelle5