poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Snapshot
mcverse

If I fold your face
 1
left over right
 2
the bright  eye
 3
and the dark eye
 4
make a greedy vortex.
 5
 
 
I have you grinding asters
 6
in the stubble of your cheeks.
 7
Half a smile
 8
meets half a grimace.
 9
 
 
If I lie
 10
give me back my mind.
 11
The slick emulsion
 12
sickens me.
 13

20 Jun 07

Rated 6.5 (6.5) by 2 users.
Active (2): 6, 7
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(1 more poem by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

sleek and compelling. Lines 10+11, however, throw me off...
balance
 — banditfemme

I love this all but the last strophe.
I think you could end it at l9.
Good writing.
Sam
 — unknown

Yeah I don't quite get the significance of the final verse.  First verase is top notch however.
 — unknown

This made me laugh, which is a good thing.  Do you need 10-13?  The poem seems complete without that part.
 — Isabelle5

0.775s