|a warm tide
The thin piece of dull steel—a foreign presence—
embeds itself, suddenly, beneath my skin.
There is a feeling of expansion, of rape,
as a warm tide of blood encircles the penetration.
I cannot remove the needle tip it is wedged too deeply,
the incision too small.
I watch a violet bruise rise in a nearby mirror.
There is slow panic that gathers momentum
as infection whispers through an old light fixture, a waking hum,
and in the dining room, soon, my company’s meal will be ruined.
I vomit twice as my arm expands further.
16 Jun 07
Rated 10 (10) by 4 users.
Active (4): 10, 10
Inactive (0): 9
(define the words in this poem)
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This is exquisite. It feels so real, like the writer and the subject are one. It is so well written, I can't fault it. You should write a book, I want to read more!
This is absolutely incredible! L10 should be dining room. Otherwise, perfection! Great work! :-)
p.s. The title is in no way indicative of what the reader is in for either. I was very much surprised!
thank you for the kind words ice and starr
This is amazing!! It's full of brilliant imagery. Definitely a favorite!!!
If I could rate this poem it'd be a 10/10!
thank you luster, I appreciate that
Mmm, I love it. Your words portray the image.
Very vivid... I like the internal rhyme in L10. However, there's something about L11 that just gives me pause. I don't know if it's the word choice of "vomit", which seems sort of clinical in this context, or perhaps the awkward phrasing of "expands further". Overall, this is a very strong piece, and I compliment you.
How about "as my arm balloons?" I knew the first time I read this that it was destined for the tops of the lists. Great writing! Peace. Starr
thank you everyone for commenting. Drake, Starr, thank you for the help especially with the last line. I agree with you both, especially, with Drake in that "vomit" is a little bit too clinical. Ashley, thanks for the support:-)
Hmm.... I feel a drug vibe here, but am not sure.
In a way, I think of heroin when I read this, but I also feel that the author is trying to tell me something deeper.
Since I don't think I'm a complete cad, I figure that other readers are also a bit stumped when they read this, so perhaps a revision to instill more clarity would help this poem out a lot.
Really... just a LITTLE bit more detail and I can be certain of what you are trying to convey. I agree that a little mystery can be great for a poem, but maybe in this case, there is too much mystery?
aforbing - I appreciate your criticism. Hm, perhaps you are correct...that will be something i'll look into for a future revision. How to do this - add clarifying detail- without being didactic is a tough challenge. But, your point is well taken. I'd tell you what the poem is about, but I think that might ruin the experience of reading a poem. Plus, on a selfish level, I enjoy reading people's analysis of the subject matter. If you personal message me (can you do that on this site) i'd be glad to share with you my muse.
- 1. Feckless
- 2. the psalms of wasps and other stinging insects
- 3. To Kiss, Buss or Osculate à la Française
- 4. Kashmiri Nocturne
- 5. a cigarette for breakfast
- 6. A Narrative in Armellini, 1957
- 7. Despair
- 8. Galilei, A Love Story
- 9. poem for the maybes
- 10. Re-inventing us
- 11. Poet Opal
- 12. Photo Rejlander
- 13. Thai Bride 'Non' (revised)
- 14. you spiral
- 15. Liquidity
- 16. echo poem 2 (the present)
- 17. just drink a lot of water
- 18. Fifi Ran
- 19. My Beautiful, Greedy, Wretched Heaven
- 20. cruel words and cold weather.
- 21. fuck,
- 22. Edwin Booth wrote to his dead
- 23. lack of small talk is a good thing when you've got plans
- 24. Pools of Reflection
- 25. A Polish Airman's Last Days
- 26. Song of Harrison and Jefferson Counties, or Why I Was Addicted to Gasoline for Ten Years
- 27. the leeches
- 28. The Secret World of a True Bi-Sexual
- 29. Moon In Aries
- 30. Thank You
- 31. Staring Down the Moon
- 32. Welsh Poet's Acrostic
- 33. SHORTS: the law of diminishing returns
- 34. inhale
- 35. arteries
- 36. Tepee Gallery Home
- 37. A Dying way of Life. July 16th 1965
- 38. What Lightning Bugs Eat
- 39. Corporate Art
- 40. autistic boy
- 41. Chasing Butterflies (A sonnet)
- 42. Great Grandma's Washer.(1965)
- 43. Velvet Man-Trap
- 44. Down-Bee
- 45. blue spot
- 46. for your sake the rice was created
- 47. book of honest poems #1 i stole my wife's smile
- 48. Prequel To A Lost Hat (Film Noir)
- 49. I'm Seventeen, Melodramatic, and Pissed at You (Ode to Miami)
- 50. Spring Wasp
- 51. algebra class and factoring jazz
- 52. because here, they create.
- 53. living with the ex you get away with nothing
- 54. Material Mommy
- 55. Just once, then no more
- 56. Stupid Dog
- 57. The Folding
- 58. At This age, I Don't Know
- 59. Size Ten Barefoot Shaped Puddles of Liquid Love
- 60. pause, take my breath
- 61. Crack house (a senyru)
- 62. Mulberry Trees Don't Grow in New Orleans
- 63. Refugee Family: Yellow On Grey
- 64. Tramps Round.
- 65. whisper and tremble together again
- 66. every fuckin sunday morning
- 67. mista andouille is what i names ‘im
- 68. poorly made statement
- 69. Monument In The Sea
- 70. Dharma Swan Song
- 71. Back Stage Passers
- 72. TREFINA
- 73. handpacking with carol
- 74. someone's manhattan
- 75. when damp
- 76. the crackhead
- 77. prodigy // tell me i'm your superman again
- 78. The twist of hot sand and glass
- 79. the way it's always been; too late.
- 80. Aural Asphyxiation