poetry critical

online poetry workshop



the man is
unknown

the man is a rope
 1
camel tar
 2
tide in out
 3
he is morning star
 4
first and last
 5
he is jute and onyx
 6
he is panther bight
 7
the man is
 8
my soft gooey
 9
my hard edged grunt
 10
my sugar hug
 11
melt me in the sun
 12
shines through night
 13
 
 
the man is machinery
 14
rod and ring
 15
he is a fine piston
 16
my smooth shiver
 17
deep river
 18
my swollen curve
 19
and sharp glimmer
 20
together we are fool
 21

7 Jun 07

Rated 5.3 (5.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 6, 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)



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Comments:

This reads like English isn't your first language. "together we are fool"?

Theres a few good lines, you could cut about half and have a better poem.
 — rocket

'Gree with rocket.

I'm guessing this is one of those "you'd have to be there" type things.

It's got potential, though.
 — 1994

Edgy, like a beanik slouchy kind of voice.  The last verse is the most clear and the most compelling for me.  I feel either a smoke-edged voice, a woman in a short skirt and tight blouse or a couple cruising down the highway with her feet out the window in the wind.
 — Isabelle5

make that beatnik, please...sorry
 — Isabelle5

Thanx for commenting guys/ more spoken word I guess as you pick up on Isabelle/ it sits well with music its written for so I wont shorten it
but thanks for commenting guys.
 — unknown

This is horrible. The devil obviously has gotten to you. Those possessed by the Devil write bad poetry. Notice there's no Psalm of Satan...he was a bad poet. 2/10
 — Henry

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