poetry critical

online poetry workshop

the man is

the man is a rope
camel tar
tide in out
he is morning star
first and last
he is jute and onyx
he is panther bight
the man is
my soft gooey
my hard edged grunt
my sugar hug
melt me in the sun
shines through night
the man is machinery
rod and ring
he is a fine piston
my smooth shiver
deep river
my swollen curve
and sharp glimmer
together we are fool

7 Jun 07

Rated 5.3 (5.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 2, 6, 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

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This reads like English isn't your first language. "together we are fool"?

Theres a few good lines, you could cut about half and have a better poem.
 — rocket

'Gree with rocket.

I'm guessing this is one of those "you'd have to be there" type things.

It's got potential, though.
 — 1994

Edgy, like a beanik slouchy kind of voice.  The last verse is the most clear and the most compelling for me.  I feel either a smoke-edged voice, a woman in a short skirt and tight blouse or a couple cruising down the highway with her feet out the window in the wind.
 — Isabelle5

make that beatnik, please...sorry
 — Isabelle5

Thanx for commenting guys/ more spoken word I guess as you pick up on Isabelle/ it sits well with music its written for so I wont shorten it
but thanks for commenting guys.
 — unknown

This is horrible. The devil obviously has gotten to you. Those possessed by the Devil write bad poetry. Notice there's no Psalm of Satan...he was a bad poet. 2/10
 — Henry