poetry critical

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Blurred Vision

You've got an eye for destruction you see
everything melts in you're presence
to just a ball of bad karma.
And, I am left wondering how to use my pottery skills.

5 Jun 07

Rated 7 (7) by 4 users.
Active (4): 6, 7, 7, 9
Inactive (0):

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L3 - "charma" should be "karma."
 — 1994

wow thanks for that
what a horrible spellign mistake.
 — SweetPain

blarg  i did it again!
 — SweetPain

nice poem. some suggestions -

an eye for
everything melts
in your presence;
a mess of
bad karma-

i am left
wondering how to
use my pottery.

you talk of shiva's eye. i don't know if this is a direct or indirect reference.
might you re-consider the title, in view of that?
 — varun

Hmm...looking at it with what varun has said and suggested, I agree.  At first I didn't realize it was Shiva's eye you were speaking of, but now I understand.
 — 1994

Oh!  Yet another minor suggestion:  you're, your, L2, make the switch.  :)
 — 1994

An unimportant poem about an unimportant topic written by a bored poet. Charming, no.

A long sentence without line breaks or white space, almost like a line in a letter. Followed by a curious line beginning with 'And', and a strange unexplained reference to pottery skills.

I am left wondering why you wrote this.
 — unknown

It's interesting how some decide to be of not much help and only seem to offend...but I'm not complaining.  :)
 — 1994

for unknown -
i think the poem is trying to question meaning and creation in the view of ultimate destruction...
 — varun

Once again I'm with varun.  And even if that is not so, this poem could have a meaning all on it's own with the writer, so who are you to take a look at it and say it is unimportant?  Just a tad deeper than you decided to fish.
 — 1994

If the poem has meaning only to the poet then it is not a poem. Saying it 'maybe' has so-and-so meaning means to me that it is very vague.

I will never agree that poetry can be written only for the person writing the poetry. If that were the case then they should keep it to themselves at least. Poetry is the height of expression, of communications, not the other way around.
 — unknown

I'd suggest maybe transforming "you're" to "your"

I'm impressed. Witty...not great by anymeans...but witty. 7/10
 — Henry

unknown, why don't you go and start a thread for your tired and old polemics.
you don't have to agree. you're such a dumb unknown.
 — varun

Alright, last unhelpful comment on this poem:  Once again I find myself with varun.
 — 1994

You don't have a clue how dumb your statement is - also - Attacking me does not help the way that you are percieved, nor does it argue any point. I liked some of your work, but now I will remember your slight, knowing that you are not as wise as I would have hoped.
 — unknown

A follower I see in you, I guess the world needs them, but great artists make their own way and others follow.
 — unknown

good work.

though i would suggest remove skills from line 4 and end it on pottery.
 — trochee