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dream picking
sparrow

We picked our dreams from the stars,
 1
stretched out under the sky, imagining
 2
it were an orange tree
 3
in a world where fruits grow brighter.
 4
 
 
That picnic over the stars
 5
was spread out on my blanket - strung
 6
with songs that strummed my
 7
heart-strings
 8
and I wish they would ring on forever.
 9

3 Jun 07

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Comments:

nice poem.


might get rid of 'on' in line 9.


try -

we picked our dreams
from stars, stretched
out under sky, and
imagined it were an orange
tree in a world where
brighter fruits grow

that picnic over stars
was spread out on my
blanket- strung with
songs that strummed
my heart-strings
i wish they would
hum forever
 — varun

Thanks alot for your comment varun! I wasn't quite happy with my layout either, I like your version though, so I think I'll change mine a bit.
 — sparrow

i like line 5
not sure about line 1 though.
 — raskolniikov

It's nice but pretty cliched and done to death already!
 — unknown

welcomest you are
 — varun

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