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my writing teacher asked us to write a sonnet, so this is my attempt at iambic pentameter...

Of mice and men and frantic views of souls;
this constant paranoia starts to bleed
to desp'rate chaos, acid dreams and holes
in minds of nightmares, sugar-coated need.
Deceased and deadly, nitroglycerin
injected into virgin veins; I chase
the poison further down with violent sin
to kill the cost of pleasure-filled disgrace.
Destroy the edge of reason, singe the core
of understanding; I am more insane
from lilting voices always wanting more
and more from me, than by your cracked refrain.
Amoxycillin creeps in numbing waves;
my ego-centric demons come to play.

31 May 07

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doesnt quite make it.
needs work.
L 8 - pleasure ?
 — trochee

Some of the lines are pure iambic
but a couple miss out completely
and now you have a trochee too!
 — unknown

I would suggest your teacher would not be entirely happy with this.
Which part of iambic pentameter do you understand.

Take note of this line from Shelley, notice the regular alteration of stressed and unstressed syllables.

“If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?”

 — Mor

You should use a scansion program to look at this, and the finger under the chin trick.
Do that, rewrite the poem according to the results and repost.
Then the site's resident sonneteer might come back and offer you some tips.
 — unknown

i don't know what the scansion program or the finger under the chin trick are. explain?
 — caustic

This is excellent.  First attempt?  Wonderful.
 — Isabelle5

thanks, isabelle, that means a lot to me :]
 — caustic

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