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Ragged Girl At Liverpool Docks (November 1894)

In a half lit silent twilight world,
I see  her form, a tiny girl,
who lost her life in times gone past,
now gently tapping on the glass,
All who ever came that way,
faceless crowds that nameless, swayed,
moved back beyond a distant town,
and dug themselves back in the ground.
“This piece of meat cut as you wish,
a small cube placed inside a dish.”
In corner shops where naked light,
closes shutters for the night.
Across the Adelphi’s shining floor,
stroll elegant ladies, plainly bored,
while bow tied fat contented men,
read false accounting in their den.
Tapping finger on the glass,
reflecting ropes  tied onto masts.
Hears seven men tell twenty tales,
about the giant ships that sail.
Tossed high among a ten force gale,
spray that sweeps the shore with shale.
Tide marks beached like giant whales,
leaves driftwood sold at jumble sales.
“Let me in , I fear the tide
will sweep me from this place I hide.
Where gutter meets the cobbled stones,
I cannot find my way back home.”
Tapping fainter, fading now,
moonlight gleams on fevered brow.
Moves beyond the pool of light,
closed round by the darkening night.

30 May 07

Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 5 users.
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HI Larry
impressive rhyme scheme.
Liked the last two stanzas a lot and the poem as a whole.
i love it how you have repeated the imagery of tapping on the glass throughout this piece.
NIce work.
Larry on a roll lark.
 — trochee

Hi Trochee

I don't know if you have ever been to Liverpool's water front but although it is now a touristy haven with an art gallery, maritime museum, and cute little souvenir shops the building infrastructure has been kept intact so it is quite easy, particularly early morning or a dusk when there are not to many people around, to imagine what it must have been like when it was one of the largest ports in the world. I am always looking to write poems that allude to history.

Larry living in the past lark
 — larrylark

is this it?
 — trochee

Dear Trochee

This looks like the part further into the estuary that is still a working docks but nothing like on the scale of the last century.

Larry marine ultra Lark
 — larrylark

this is a little more as it was http://www.portcities.org.uk/london/upload/img_400/H0426.jpg
 — opal


maybe a little old fashioned but i assume that was the intention?
 — listen

Hi Opal

Thats the one

Larry the one Lark
 — larrylark

Dear Listen

Not old fashioned but an attempt to reconstruct the past in my head.

Larry contexts for the dead Lark
 — larrylark

This is eloquently written and reflects the way of life back then. The glaring difference between the rich and poor in Liverpool in this era is portrayed well. The only thing that jumped out at me is L20. Your rythm and meter sort of go weak on this line. I'm thinking maybe add a strong adjective before ship and take out "the". Apart from that no crit.
 — angrychick

Thanks angrychick,

I think you are right about line 20 but I just can't think of the right word so early in the morning.

Larry clueless Lark
 — larrylark

with billowing sails
sans oceans sail

a nice idea might be to work in a reference to seven seas:

Hears twenty men tell seven tales
of giants ships sans ocean sail

just some ideas??
 — unknown

Dear Unknown

Thanks for your suggestions which i will  give close consideration to.

 — larrylark

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