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At Mcdonald's,  
the black man loiters
by the drive thru  
window profiling  
customers as they  
announce their order.  
I watch him as he
clicks fingers & baits  
his head to and fro  
aiming to catch the  
eyes of a customer
likely to be aroused
by guilt, concern, or  
neither save desire  
to part easily with  
a little change.
I pick up my order,  
fondle hot fries  
with sweaty hands  
and curse at the  
injustice of lack  
of straw and  


28 May 07

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Hmmm...from the end of L12 with

"or...neither save desire
to part easily with
a little change...,"

I get the feeling that something's missing there that's upsetting the syntax, but what?  Maybe a comma after "neither?"  That line reads awkwardly for some reason.  Otherwise, a powerfully keen observation of daily life and of how much we take 4 granted even if we don't get a straw with our milkshake or napkins with all datt ga-reaaaaaaaaaaase.  Other than that little "clunk,"  I like this a lot.  I hope you parted with some of your change too.  :-)  
 — starr

This is good.  Only thing I might change is from Vex to Curse.
 — Isabelle5


 — unknown

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