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I hold you close,
inhale robust scent
of empty coal sacks
in this, our private place.
Seductive smell combines
bituminous black dust
and earth.
I hold you tight,
eyes half shut.
Squint, just able  
to discern
a heap of coal,
a metal shovel
through swirling,
foggy shafts of light.
Shirley, I love you.
Your half-open mouth,
curled, stiff eyelashes,
glassy eyes, transparent
kindly soul, but all
in a moment I realize
I don't have the things
you need. I can't support you,
who'll stay the same
as I grow old.
Shirley, our life as two
is ended. I must let you go.
You hit the floor.
Marble eyes close,
I feel the world implode
into the gaping hole
that has become your head.
I step back.
What have I done?
The screaming starts
What have I done?
Shirley, plastic princess,
who is going to buy me
another doll like you?

28 May 07

Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 3 users.
Active (3): 8, 10, 10
Inactive (0):

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L24 was a dead--give-away. still i could nt figure it out till the end.
Original and interesting.
I like stanza 3 a lot. i like your poem so much that i have already read it thrice.
 — trochee

Thanks trochee - comment much appreciated - this poem is an oddity that I can't seem to place anywhere really, but perhaps given your comment I'll write a few more like this,
 — opal

Wow. When I think od all the teddies and toy soldiers that used to live cheek by jowl in my childhood and how bad I  treated them. This is fine work to which I will give a nepotic 10

Larry in the family Lark
 — larrylark

L2 and 5 do not fit the rest of the poem, however. easily rectified, if you choose, by adding the omitted words (that were not omitted in the same manner throughout the rest of the piece).
8-15 should be all one sentence. either that, or L10 needs "I".
14-15 a little ham-handed.
well crafted, nevertheless.
 — unknown

originality and reader's intrigue are here all right.

personally i thought it was such a good way of saying something without letting it go throughout, except for the undertows within that let you add it up at the very last line. so poetic and metaphorical and descriptive until you give the poem a dead stop with that last stanza. closed it up so nicely.
 — listen

hi opal.
haha...great ending.
wonderful, as usual.

 — unknown

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