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early mornings (because i miss you still)

the morning is brilliant
and i have faith
that today
will be different
from the last
but you still
say nothing
so that i would
know somehow
to stay
still enough
to silhouette
your absence

27 May 07

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can you use silhouette as a verb?
 — midare


maybe not grammatically, but i don't care too much about that; as long as you break a rule and use it with purpose. which is here.

the poem itself is beautiful. very new.
 — listen

thanks listen.
punctuation or no?

isabelle says punctuation. grin.

 — midare

i think this reads smoothly without it. punctuation is always aesthetical, but personally i like this the way it is, i didn't even notice there wasn't any punctuation it flowed so smoothly.

i like how all of your poems search for intimacy, usually in relationships. another fine work of art you've created for us.
 — listen

midare, thank you for posting this
I am not quite sure about your choice of line breaks and will only suggest a couple of things in a hurry (for which I apologize):

in line 5 - does "the last" refer to the last day, as in yesterday, or does it refer to the lat morning (it makes me pause and think about it and I do not want to pause with this poem).

still say nothing - this combination almost needs a line for a word ... or to be read outloud.  Just a thought: "but you still / say nothing " - in two lines

The main point I wanted to make is regarding line 11: I want "still enough" to be on their own line because otherwise in a hurried read, the meaning might be temporarily lost (it is not "stay still" but the "still enough" that goes together).  Do you see what I mean?  If you would put stay back in line 10, maybe that would work.  

I am not a fan of split infinitives ... (Isabelle would like me saing that), and so the one in lines 12 and 13 stalls my reading - the poem is very minimalistic (language wise) and very light in the places where it invites me to take a breath, and here the ending adds heaviness that I want to get rid of.  Maybe if you just switched the places of quietly and sihouette.  And I like the latter used as a verb - it works for me.  Silhouetting absence - now that is a thought.

Thank you for this, as always
Yours kindly
Maria (slancho)
 — unknown

thank you so much maria and listen.
i made almost all of the changes that you suggested, maria.

i especially liked your comment on line 5. i had thought about that
before i posted this. and the conclusion that i came to:
i had in mind the last morning when i wrote it, but does it really matter?

both ways still implicate absence.

 — midare

yes, thank you, dear poet
I am glad to have an occasion to come back to this on this cold and rainy evening, and feel more than just absence
Yours kindly, always
 — slancho

Love L11-14.

I read below a questions about punctuation or no - I'd say no.  The line breaks work as pauses and I love the flow as it is.  :)

Beautiful, fresh.
 — eyesParadox

this poem has a beautiful resonance.
great work!
 — sparrow

i find this lukewarm and sappy. an adolescent attempt trying to be an adult.
 — unknown

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