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one night only

this small haven of a place,
we could linger
till the lights outside are shut.
here, i see only tealight candles
reflected in eyes.
we shake our haversacks off
and share a pint.
the tall guy on stage,
starts to sing
as from his back
emerged flaming wings.
he sings for the devil
but it's the devil who brings us all here.
and his hooded bassist
could suck your soul
of you aren't already in a trance.
sprawled next to me,
you could be my soul mate.
but we'll never know
for we both reek of sweet liquor
that drips from
the heart of the forbidden fruit.
all because
tomorrow i go back
into the birdcage
carried by the little boy.

27 May 07

(define the words in this poem)
(24 more poems by this author)

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 — miss_minx

hie minx

the strong points in your poem: imagery, metaphors (tealight candles), the language.
the language really gives the reader the perception that the voice of the author is intoxicated. plus i could totally picture the emplacement, the environment which works for your piece. cheers!!!!!!

the weak points: you aint consistent with caps.
 — trochee

oh hellooo trochee! let's go for a pint someday.
 — miss_minx

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