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Pamplona Roja
blee73

some day I’ll make something of myself,
 1
seize the satyr by its hairy throat
 2
like a matador
 3
and squeeze
 4
the wine from life’s bota,
 5
smoke black cigars,
 6
waltz on the precipice
 7
before I’m gored,
 8
bleeding on the sand.
 9

26 May 07

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
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Comments:

line 8 -- ditch the "ing" on waltz
economical and colourful
lovely sonics
 — banditfemme

agrees with banditfemme on the waltz not ing
do matadors bleed on cobblestones?
good poem
thanks
 — unknown

banditfemme and unknown,

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I will definitely change line 8. I think the "waltz" will work better. I doubt matadors bleed on  cobblestones unless they cut themselves shaving, so I'll check into changing that as well. Thanks so much for your help.
 — blee73

entertain 'bleeding on the sand'.
 — aerol

Thanks aerol, I'll make that change. I think you're right.
 — blee73

kill mythical. love bota. terse verse.
 — jumpoline

Oooh....I'm married to that one. Oh well, "kill your darlings," so they say. I'll try it out and see how it fits. Thanks for reading and helping.
 — blee73

i know you're married to it. now play like liz taylor and push it off a balcony.
 — jumpoline

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