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Pamplona Roja

some day I’ll make something of myself,
seize the satyr by its hairy throat
like a matador
and squeeze
the wine from life’s bota,
smoke black cigars,
waltz on the precipice
before I’m gored,
bleeding on the sand.

26 May 07

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line 8 -- ditch the "ing" on waltz
economical and colourful
lovely sonics
 — banditfemme

agrees with banditfemme on the waltz not ing
do matadors bleed on cobblestones?
good poem
 — unknown

banditfemme and unknown,

Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I will definitely change line 8. I think the "waltz" will work better. I doubt matadors bleed on  cobblestones unless they cut themselves shaving, so I'll check into changing that as well. Thanks so much for your help.
 — blee73

entertain 'bleeding on the sand'.
 — aerol

Thanks aerol, I'll make that change. I think you're right.
 — blee73

kill mythical. love bota. terse verse.
 — jumpoline

Oooh....I'm married to that one. Oh well, "kill your darlings," so they say. I'll try it out and see how it fits. Thanks for reading and helping.
 — blee73

i know you're married to it. now play like liz taylor and push it off a balcony.
 — jumpoline

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