poetry critical

online poetry workshop


she asked her father
why things need several names.
why is mommie called
honey or sweetheart,
their doggy sam,
poochie or woofiedoo
or why is she called little
baby or sweetiedoll
instead of keisha jones.
then she paused and
asked why on the bus they
call her nigger hater
and her friend
a stupid jew.

20 May 07

Rated 8 (8) by 5 users.
Active (5): 7, 7, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

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I like the line breaks and I think the effect is well done, but I can't see the reason for capitalizing Sam, but not Keisha Jones. Capitalizing all pronouns would make for better continuity.
 — SteelAngel

 — photobooth

I admire everything about this poem with the exception of the title, which I find to be coy. Keisha Jones --A good, solid awning for your poem.
 — banditfemme

it's a terrible joke
 — unknown

I like it, but I feel it could be better. It's a bit obvious. However it is sweet.
 — unknown

yeah, the title is shit.
 — unknown

she then paused and
 — unknown

reminds me of the life of pi
 — unknown

I like this title. This poem has very sharp teeth.
 — banditfemme

wow strong. watch capitals. this is good. I'd call it "she asked why" nice and simple.
 — Trish77

alright ignore capitals remark. not paying attention. sorry!
 — Trish77

Oh, gut puncher!  Sticks and stones break bones which heal, words can wreck you forever.  
 — Isabelle5

Is this site for real and are you people real?   Is this really a workshop for
Mother Mary's Mental Institution?  If you all fart is that a symphony?
 — unknown

 — luvscost