| The Return |
larrylark
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Straight after the funeral he returned,
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1 |
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Steaming like a suckling pig with flesh about to burn.
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2 |
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“Why have you come back,” we asked,
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“To pass this way once more?”
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He turned and said, “I’m sorry,
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but I walked through the wrong door
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6 |
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17 May 07 |
Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
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Comments:
this is really good. it made me laugh...but...L2 i'm not quite understanding. what do you mean by that?
— 1994
good poem
— unknown
Do pigs steam when they are about to be burned? This line doesn't make sense to me at all.
I like the ending because of the humor but the rest isn't doing much for me. Who is he and what does he have to do with the people asking? It's not very clear.
— Isabelle5
I guess I meant his cremation was interrupted because the man who pulled the handle couldn't cuds the vandals stole it and hid it in the basement where Johnny was mixing up the medicine.
Larry jump bail, join the army if you fail Lark
— larrylark
Hi Unknown
Goosnargh, located near the hamlet of Preston where I live in abject poverty is famous for its steaming pigs.
Larry hot porker Lark
— larrylark
He's their dead rent collector Isabelle, come back over from the other side.
Larry life's dues Lark
— larrylark
Well, now it's funny!
— Isabelle5
Maybe it you renamed it, "The Return of the Errant Landlord," give the reader a hint of what was in your mind. I would be afraid to walk around inside your head, Larry-where does he get these ideas-Lark!
— Isabelle5
The rhythm is a little off, particularly given L2. I think it's supposed to be clever, but either I'm a little dafter than usual today, or it misses the mark. I do like the sound of "steaming like a suckling pig", though - and I'm a vegetarian, even! I'd look forward to reading the next draft.
— DrakeScott
Good poem.
— MelissaK
I think that you should definitely expand this to a larger poem to make it a bit clearer.
Imagery is good, but longer poem would create more understanding.
— sashacapri
Dear Isabelle
I am trapped in my imagination among the babble if one thousand voices.
Larry torn apart Lark
— larrylark
Hi DrakeScott
There will be no more drafts as I do not wish to fan the flames.
Larry conflagration Lark
— larrylark
Hi melissaK
You are too kind to the old soak that is Larry
Larry delirium Lark
— larrylark
I found this really dark and inviting, I want to read the novel now please!
— icepineapple
Dear icepineapple
I'm afraid you can't read the novel as there was only two drafts. The one he had placed inside his coffin and the other that lit the flames.
Larry lost forever lark
— larrylark
What an excellent poem - perhaps a bit of tinkering with the metre in the last line - i wonder if 'but' isn't redundant? What an image at the opening - excellent simile - the scary thing is that he has to go back presumably.
— opal
Hi Opal,
I guess he'll have to be more careful as he follows the imprints of his dusty feet back through the crematorium.
Larry burnt offerings Lark
— larrylark
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