poetry critical

online poetry workshop



The Return
larrylark

Straight after the funeral he returned,
 1
Steaming like a suckling pig with flesh about to burn.
 2
“Why have you come back,” we asked,
 3
“To pass this way once more?”
 4
He turned and said, “I’m sorry,
 5
but I walked through the wrong door
 6

17 May 07

Rated 8.5 (8.5) by 4 users.
Active (4): 6, 8, 9, 10
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(232 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

this is really good.  it made me laugh...but...L2 i'm not quite understanding.  what do you mean by that?
 — 1994

good poem
 — unknown

Do pigs steam when they are about to be burned?  This line doesn't make sense to me at all.  

I like the ending because of the humor but the rest isn't doing much for me.  Who is he and what does he have to do with the people asking?  It's not very clear.
 — Isabelle5

I guess I meant his cremation was interrupted because the man who pulled the handle couldn't cuds the vandals stole it and hid it in the basement where Johnny was mixing up the medicine.

Larry jump bail, join the army if you fail Lark
 — larrylark

Hi Unknown

Goosnargh, located near the hamlet of Preston where I live in abject poverty is famous for its steaming pigs.

Larry hot porker Lark
 — larrylark

He's their dead rent collector Isabelle, come back over from the other side.

Larry life's dues Lark
 — larrylark

Well, now it's funny!  
 — Isabelle5

Maybe it you renamed it, "The Return of the Errant Landlord," give the reader a hint of what was in your mind.  I would be afraid to walk around inside your head, Larry-where does he get these ideas-Lark!
 — Isabelle5

The rhythm is a little off, particularly given L2. I think it's supposed to be clever, but either I'm a little dafter than usual today, or it misses the mark. I do like the sound of "steaming like a suckling pig", though - and I'm a vegetarian, even! I'd look forward to reading the next draft.
 — DrakeScott

Good poem.
 — MelissaK

I think that you should definitely expand this to a larger poem to make it a bit clearer.

Imagery is good, but longer poem would create more understanding.
 — sashacapri

Dear Isabelle

I am trapped in my imagination among the babble if one thousand voices.

Larry torn apart Lark
 — larrylark

Hi DrakeScott

There will be no more drafts as I do not wish to fan the flames.

Larry conflagration Lark
 — larrylark

Hi melissaK

You are too kind to the old soak that is Larry

Larry delirium Lark
 — larrylark

I found this really dark and inviting, I want to read the novel now please!
 — icepineapple

Dear icepineapple

I'm afraid you can't read the novel as there was only two drafts. The one he had placed inside his coffin and the other that lit the flames.

Larry lost forever lark
 — larrylark

What an excellent poem - perhaps a bit of tinkering with the metre in the last line - i wonder if 'but' isn't redundant? What an image at the opening - excellent simile - the scary thing is that he has to go back presumably.
 — opal

Hi Opal,

I guess he'll have to be more careful as he follows the imprints  of his dusty feet back through the crematorium.

Larry burnt offerings Lark
 — larrylark

Newest (expand)
0.504s