| autistic boy |
jumpoline
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down the playground
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1 |
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mulch
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2 |
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between my toes
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3 |
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painful
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4 |
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but i like it.
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5 |
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left arm arcing brian
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6 |
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towards the willow, up
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7 |
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skyward;
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8 |
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i am daring god
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9 |
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to take him
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10 |
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back.
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11 |
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five long years
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12 |
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never said a
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13 |
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single word, still
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14 |
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craps himself.
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15 |
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fifty grand
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16 |
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a year for
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17 |
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silent drool.
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18 |
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at three
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19 |
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he was still cute
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20 |
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running off with toys
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21 |
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flapping like a pelican
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22 |
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chewing on his
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23 |
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sopping sleeve;
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24 |
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now all we get is
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25 |
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the evil eye
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26 |
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out here.
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27 |
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the sun's going down;
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28 |
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i'll kick back soon
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29 |
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catch the hot body contest
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30 |
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on hbo, play with my balls.
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31 |
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i dare my wife to
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32 |
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say something.
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33 |
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15 May 07 |
Rated 9.3 (9.3) by 9 users.
Active (9): 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):
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Comments:
no criticisms of this. It's gut punch of a poem. well done!
— netskyIam
I can only empathize.
Such a heart-wrenching poem,
the guilt, blame, love, confusion..."daring god to take him back", oh how sad.
I know of the flapping pelican, although my 7yr old bird is a different breed.
Thank you for writing,
Jen-
— jenakajoffer
thanks for reading netskyiam, jenakajoffer.
— jumpoline
f-ing awesome!
-elgecko
— unknown
no nits. just awe.
— midare
thank you for your kind words, elgecko, midare.
— jumpoline
L's 28 through 33 are killer. Very masculinely charged writing. The images woven throughout are pretty killer too. I don't know much about autism, but after seeing the movie, "House of Cards," I can sort of imagine. I'm glad that Jen got to read this too. I might consider a space between L's 31 & 32. I think it would separate the two thoughts rather than just leave them jammed together. Excellent writing. :-)
— starr
thank you, starr.
— jumpoline
Did you have no caps on purpose and if so, for what purpose?
What a sad poem, how special for this person that you take him for happy outings. You brought us along to see the struggle as time marches on.
— Isabelle5
i write with no caps because
a. i am lazy
b. i like the way it looks
c. i like as little punctuation as possible because i think line breaks are king and i like readers to find their own voice without my prodding
d. i think it makes me seem hip like ee cummings
mostly d.
if anyone ever gives you a different answer to that question, i guarantee they are full of horseshit.
— jumpoline
e.e. cummings wrote some sweet shit. :-)
— starr
yes he did.
— jumpoline
your answers to Isabelle are wonderful,
especially (a). lol
I had to read this poem again,
it means a lot to me to see others write of a topic
so close to my life,
regardless of the differences in severity.
thank you.
— jenakajoffer
love your boy. children are.
— jumpoline
hmm my brother's one of these.
— ruyi
How sad! I understand the frustration and guilt you feel for feeling so frustrated. You put it into poetry well. No crit to give except in L31, what is hbo?
I would ask you to capitalize and punctuate where appropriate but read the answer you gave to Isabelle! Your honesty is refreshing and amusing!
— angrychick
hbo is home box office a cable channel in the us.
— jumpoline
Oh. Nothing to say. I love L6-11.
— skinnyJon
appreciate your words.
— jumpoline
three days ago this poem made me start writing something.
one thousand words later, here am i to comment. it is a high art. this one furthers the greater good because someone somewhere was in a lot of pain and it may not have been you at all, but it didnt go to waste, the pain. dassall. tanks.
— OKcomputer
Something all of the thirteen year old poets on this site can apperciate...
— unknown
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