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Smearing lipstick
painfulcries

If I could,
 1
oh yes I must admit I would
 2
my gracious lover,
 3
I’d drown you in my tears,
 4
and use your left over tattered clothes,
 5
to get rid of old lipstick smears.
 6
 
 
Remembering nights,
 7
Where our bodies would entwine;
 8
Silent gasps, as our confused hands
 9
searched for something so unfamiliar.
 10
and in the darkness you sobbed for what you had become,
 11
Forsaking out love.
 12
 
 
Blending the sweaty perfume smells, and the prints on the walls,
 13
running from the memories,
 14
of the lust of tongues colliding, of me backing you into a changing stall.
 15
So desperate you were,
 16
wanting what the man you claimed to love could never give.
 17
My body provided it all,
 18
Without changing anything.
 19
 
 
Everything with a single whisper,
 20
oh how it turned my stomach the way you’d squirm.
 21
Looking in your sex deprived eyes.
 22
You know it makes me smile,
 23
in a sick cold way,
 24
how you’d go back to your house and go on with your day.
 25
Always on the look out
 26
for someone who could reveal you.
 27
Just give up now,
 28
tell them that the rumors are true.
 29

15 May 07

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Let's see... I'd start by getting rid of your 'explanation' at the bottom of the poem.  It adds nothing and actually detracts from the poem.  Who cares if it's two men, two women or two apes.  
This is good stuff.  You've gone the lazy route and let Microsoft punctuate you, which is the cardinal sin of any good writer.  I mean, did you TRULY want each and every line to begin with a CAPital letter?  I'm thinking not.
What you're saying here is good stuff.  Start your edit by picking which lines you really DO want to be Capitalized and which ones don't need it.
Try out "Purse Issues"... I think you'd like it.  Or my ever-popular "Cunnilingus 101".  You may also get a kick out of my Lita Ford poem, too.  
 — aforbing

First, I'd like to see you be more suggestive with your capitalizations - as is, you let Microsoft Word do all the work in that department.  You can do a lot with how you decide to use caps - take advantage of this!
L19 I should be my.
First stanza is considerably stronger than the rest.  But a good start, author!
 — WordsAndMe

Thanks.  -- I changed a few things.
 — painfulcries

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