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Crying, Half Drunk, and Won't Call You
WordsAndMe

I’m crying,
 1
half drunk,
 2
and won’t call you.
 3
 
 
And I’m writing this more for me
 4
than for you,
 5
because my hands need something to do
 6
rather than turn my phone,
 7
streaked with lime juice,
 8
over and over
 9
in my hands.
 10
Salt still residing
 11
unintentionally
 12
on the tip of my lip
 13
calls up memories of kisses
 14
I won’t feel for weeks.  
 15
 
 
For my whole life,
 16
I was out of love
 17
until I wasn’t.
 18
 
 
And I’m writing this more for me
 19
than for you,
 20
because my whole life I was out of love
 21
and now I’m drowning in it,
 22
six hours away
 23
from the man who pulled me under.
 24
Mexican tequila bottles
 25
accidentally
 26
leave rings on the furniture,
 27
like the one you promised
 28
to put on my finger.
 29
 
 
I’m eighteen years old
 30
clouded by what poets define love as,
 31
and I believe in promises.
 32
 
 
And I’m writing this more for me
 33
than for you,
 34
because I want to believe
 35
but my pride has no faith.
 36
 
 
So I’m crying,
 37
half drunk,
 38
and won’t call you.
 39

14 May 07

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Comments:

I like how you round it out at the end
 — unknown

Hey... this is a really good start.
I think it needs some polishing... come back to this in about a week.
If you're truly 18 like the persona of this poem, that is some pretty decent writing for a young-un.  
 — aforbing

Thank you for the comment, aforbing.  Yeah, I'm 18; 19 in August.  Thank you for the compliment, and I agree with your advice - this was a product of half drunken, sobbing word-vomit last night, and definitely could stand some polishing.  Thanks again for taking the time to read!
 — WordsAndMe

I think lines 16-18 sum this up so nicely.  Believe in promises but keep your eyes open, too.  (I'm writing this for you And me!)  This is so sad, I just want to rock this poet.  
 — Isabelle5

this is actually very good...it flows well almost like a song. I think i could hear the acoustic chords in my hear while reading it...nice job
 — unknown

goods stffingtons.
i dig.
some nits and picks...
i'd change the title, or change the first three lines. just because it is redundant.
also you could stand to chuck out the "And's" at the beginning of lines 4,19, and 33...i think it's make this flow better.
lines 11 and 25 you could make into all new stanza's.
some minor stuff here and there, but is pretty swell.

niceley done.
 — onklcrispy

Unknown:  I actually wrote this while singing the words out loud - first "song" I've ever written, really... and it only took tequila to get it out of me! Haha, but thank you for your kind comment.
Onklcrispy:  I actually had L11/25 start new stanzas when I originally wrote this out - I'm still back and forth on how I like it.  Thank you for your nitpicks, they are always more than welcome and I will take your ideas into consideration when I revise.

Thanks all!
 — WordsAndMe

Fer christ sake give the poor bastard a call.

Larry dial tone Lark
 — larrylark

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