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thought traps
varun

they were all bobbing
 1
up and down like apples
 2
a sea of heads collected
 3
some quiet some loud
 4
sat at different tables
 5
each with a black hole
 6
the size of the universe
 7
locked behind their eyes
 8

11 May 07

Rated 8.7 (8.7) by 3 users.
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Comments:

bobbing up and down like buoys

a sea of heads


thankyou

st3ntorian
 — unknown

they were bobbing up and down
like a  fish heads in a primal
soup...
 — unknown

good ending
 — unknown

thought traps is right. there's always a point of closure, an event horizon beyond which no outside thought is processed nor no introspect allowed to leave.


very acute observation, v.

smile!
midare
 — midare

theres no closure. just oscillation.
 — unknown

yes i like.. very much
 — Mongrol

dum-dum
 — chuckles

not sure what the speaker is trying to say with this . . . i'm not too fond of vagueness.
 — unknown

dum da dee dee da drumpapum pum drrrrrrrrrrrrum

hello everyone
thanks everyone
 — varun

apples is direct reference to a painting. a green apple painting.

thank you
 — varun

interesting description varun,
I like the bobbingappleheads.
I paint a funny picture from this,
but there is a terrible vacancy
in the finished product.

(I don't make sense, but hey-
nice poem).
=-)
 — jenakajoffer

merci, jen.
 — varun

by terrible, I meant wonderful.
(but u knew that).
=-)
 — unknown

Could the poet be persuaded to add some sprinkles of punctuation to help the reader, please?  
 — Isabelle5

:)
 — varun

please explain this poem with regard to the painting? is the painting famous? otherwise you have to admit relating it to a painting poses no additional insight for the reader given that the poem stands on its own. Althought not very well.

an honest interjection.
 — unknown

i like your poem.
 — jumpoline

thanks, jump

krisskross'llmakeyalljumpjump
 — varun

an apple wearing a hat will always be famous, because it always has been.
i'm not going to write you an essay about signifiers vis-a-vis this painting.
once you understand the painting, you might understand the reference.
 — varun

did you call me
a
dum dum? mhnhmmmmh
 — varun

it's a heartbeat v,
he was very in love that day,
wanted to share it...
i thought he was calling me a
dum-dum too, imagine that!
dum-dum!

so, this really is about a painting?
i like your inspiration.
take care,
=-)
 — unknown

what the hell is this about an apple and a hat? Noone could get that from this trite piece of solipism. please contunue to sit there like a god designing obscurity for lack of self worship.

and really dont trust me all prior opinions above mine suggest noone got it at all.

the question remains is the reader dumb or the author too numb?
 — unknown

dum-dum. hello jen.
 — varun

solipsism? hahaha. okay! you know what that word means, yes?

the author is drinking rum, and
you, unknown, can kiss my bum.

why don't you stop asking me questions and offer some critique? and if you don't get it, then go read something else you do get. offer the author of that piece some critique. stop wasting my time and yours. silly unknown.
 — varun

varun can kiss his own ass
coz he dont make sense
whether in this poem or
verbatim


hit me with your next mock
 — unknown

i think it's pretty good. poetry isn't your kindergarden abc, stop treating it as such.
 — unknown

they were all bobbing up
and down like breasts
in a mini T
some loud some shy
each with a desire
screaming
sleep with me

thank you

st3ntorian

all sleights reserved
 — unknown

what about your hands st3torian, free or busy?
 — unknown

they were all bobbing up
and down like jack in the
box on speed
i showed them my black
hole so each jack
could oscillate within me
 — unknown

hahahah st3ntorian funnez!
 — unknown

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