poetry critical

online poetry workshop

domesticity, love & a reprimand

dawn again to my eyelids
my naked bosom offered to our son
your sex pressed into my back like a bony gun.
darling, my back is not a duck in flight.

4 May 07

(define the words in this poem)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


hahahahahahaha....this is great...short, sweet and to the point!
 — ditto

line 3 is way, way cliche and line 4 can't save it
 — unknown

hahahah love it. boo hiss to unknown, sometimes clichés work well. as they do here.
 — unknown

line 4 definitely compensates for
1, 2 and 3

although the caveat
is a little oblique--

wet ducks do not fly
at night
 — banditfemme

did you read that interview with justin and how he crammed his head with learning and reality at 27? it's not like that for me. i was born on a leap year on the last day of february. i'll be lucky to make it past 20.

what do caveat and oblique mean?
don't ducks fly early morning?

cliches will start to lose their cleesh from future under use.
 — unknown

Honry men fly anytime!
 — unknown

Newest (expand)
  • The Story of The Red House
  • Soft Geometry
  • Time To Plant Trees
  • Ambiance of Madness
  • crossing the border
  • there to here
  • flat rose
  • AA
  • accepting the world
  • I, Jailor
  • Beggar's Dirge
  • inevitable
  • Joy of Life
  • Happily Ever After
  • to speak is a sin.
Recently Commented (expand)