poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Cobwebs of Despair

I wonder about the history of the homes being torn down for the sake of highway 64-40 redevelopment. I do know what happens within a house stays there long after the occupants have moved.

why does it seem when I can't be stricken again
you come along and smite me in moments of anguish
with your wicked grin and solidified dance
performed with a twinkling gleam in your eye
my distant memories tucked away
along with scorched-mildewed wallpaper
allowing cobwebs to be stuck in dusted despair
laced curtains yellowed from smoldered pollutants
and broken pages in a book tossed violently
by water and air
many things have happened here
close your eyes
open your mind
take a deep whiff at the pungency of foul breath,
dirty laundry-cancer rot
and crusted embers of a worn out flame
the things I could tell you if only you would listen
shattering noises of broken bottles
being slammed against my walls
horrific cries of endless beatings
an innocent child swept away-rescued
by teardrops of hurt, guilt and pain
each day aging mortar filters through my weakening stones
as I am slowly repulsed by the activity
surrounding me in every way
see what I’ve become
nothing other than a haven for the hungry-begging
is this what you've come to do
watch me fall to the earth as did the old lady
in the maid quarters gasping for breath
while she was lying-dieing
after dropping her hot cup of tea
seems as though you anticipate my death
like a scar from a swollen-scraped knee

3 May 07

Rated 2 (2) by 1 users.
Active (1): 2
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


The adjectives you use seem very very unneccesary. It makes me not even want to pay attention becuase right off the bat it seems like you are overdramatizing whatever is actually happening.

"with that wicked grin and solitude dance"
The word solitude doesn't make any sense here, and whatever image you are trying to conjur doesnt get across at all to me. careful with describing words and where you place them.

It's really just not put together very well.
 — Rudexvirus

Thank-You for comments and it's a work in progress....I always post raw to begin with and I tweak it over time...I threw this on word in about 15 minutes...again, i'm working on it...maybe you could help me more... :)
 — ditto

made some changes...hope this is better... :S
 — ditto

Newest (expand)
  • Mr. Peanut
  • someone else
  • soft days
  • those friday dreams
  • Best Before
  • What Else?
  • Never again
  • the plump white oyster
  • Poem in July
  • room
  • right after my parents were married
  • Two Kinds of Drinks
  • London to Paris
  • the american woman bragged she fell in love with a man from legerdemain
  • The Eyes of Sam
Recently Commented (expand)
  • Donald Tetto Deserves To Die
  • Two Kinds of Drinks
  • your song
  • I LuVLuckyE
  • soft days
  • Mr. Peanut
  • Swing-a-way Holiday
  • someone else
  • The Way To A Mans Heart
  • London to Paris
  • Maths Is Murder
  • Bitch Boss
  • Friendship, My definition of
  • the plump white oyster
  • Best Before