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Cobwebs of Despair
ditto

I wonder about the history of the homes being torn down for the sake of highway 64-40 redevelopment. I do know what happens within a house stays there long after the occupants have moved.

why does it seem when I can't be stricken again
 1
you come along and smite me in moments of anguish
 2
with your wicked grin and solidified dance
 3
performed with a twinkling gleam in your eye
 4
 
 
my distant memories tucked away
 5
along with scorched-mildewed wallpaper
 6
allowing cobwebs to be stuck in dusted despair
 7
laced curtains yellowed from smoldered pollutants
 8
and broken pages in a book tossed violently
 9
by water and air
 10
 
 
many things have happened here
 11
close your eyes
 12
open your mind
 13
take a deep whiff at the pungency of foul breath,
 14
dirty laundry-cancer rot
 15
and crusted embers of a worn out flame
 16
 
 
the things I could tell you if only you would listen
 17
shattering noises of broken bottles
 18
being slammed against my walls
 19
horrific cries of endless beatings
 20
an innocent child swept away-rescued
 21
by teardrops of hurt, guilt and pain
 22
 
 
each day aging mortar filters through my weakening stones
 23
as I am slowly repulsed by the activity
 24
surrounding me in every way
 25
see what I’ve become
 26
nothing other than a haven for the hungry-begging
 27
desperate
 28
 
 
is this what you've come to do
 29
watch me fall to the earth as did the old lady
 30
in the maid quarters gasping for breath
 31
while she was lying-dieing
 32
after dropping her hot cup of tea
 33
seems as though you anticipate my death
 34
like a scar from a swollen-scraped knee
 35

3 May 07

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Comments:

The adjectives you use seem very very unneccesary. It makes me not even want to pay attention becuase right off the bat it seems like you are overdramatizing whatever is actually happening.

"with that wicked grin and solitude dance"
The word solitude doesn't make any sense here, and whatever image you are trying to conjur doesnt get across at all to me. careful with describing words and where you place them.

It's really just not put together very well.
 — Rudexvirus

Thank-You for comments and it's a work in progress....I always post raw to begin with and I tweak it over time...I threw this on word in about 15 minutes...again, i'm working on it...maybe you could help me more... :)
 — ditto

made some changes...hope this is better... :S
 — ditto

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