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Street Preacher
mrclubb

He stands on the corner crying to the world.
 1
       The End Comes.
 2
                Christ died for salvation.
 3
                         Repent.
 4
The street is cold, passers by few, oblivious
 5
A man stops under the street light
 6
        to light a cigarette; shrugs him off
 7
                Raving Madman.
 8
        7 days 7 nights cries out
 9
        7 days 7 nights pleads with the city
 10
on the Last Day a woman stopped
 11
                Listened
 12
        Believed
 13
on the Last Day the prophet and the whore
 14
walk quietly from the still burning city.
 15

2 May 07

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Comments:

How about L1 "declaring" to the world?  "Screaming" to the world?  "Shouting" to the world?  If he was "crying" to the world, that would connote weeping and tears being shed.

You need to put quotation marks around direct quotes.  Otherwise, the reader is confused without knowing that there's something being said here by another person.  You could also afford to break this up and make more use of white space.    

Don't use symbols for numbers under twenty.  Write out the word (seven days, seven nights) unless you're Prince and can get away with that "4U" stuff.  Heehee.  :-)  

I'd also watch those random and displaced capitals too.  I like what this says and I've heard it said before on the street.  You've captured a very common urban moment in a strikingly uncommon way.  
 — starr

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