poetry critical

online poetry workshop



highlights at dawn
unknown

lights in glasses wind -
 1
soulfully on paper strands, held
 2
dazed with opaque hues
 3

2 May 07

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1): 8
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
ribcages



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

ahh, a rather subtle drug senryu it seems. not bad.
 — Esoteric

i don't see it? how is this a drug poem?!
 — unknown

the first letter of each line spells out LSD.
the phrases, 'light' 'high' and 'wings' all refer to this drug.
although i'm not sure why this is a senryu or what the title says and how either of them contribute to it.

i could do with some acid right now.
 — unknown

my take:

lights in glasses wind
teasingly on paper strands, high
despite bitten wings


Umm....

all i mean to say is

(A) this is very good
but
(B) soulfully and broken I find too predictable.

Otherwise,

nice.
 — banditfemme

i will keep soulfully, as i actually did intend for this to be a subtle reference to lsd, but i shall change broekn. thank you bandit of the femme variety.
 — unknown

an acid acrostic! I'll be gobsmacked. Well, you have options, you realize. For example,

sinfully, saucily, shabbily, sacredly, saintedly

all three-syllable creatures with first syllable stress.


bF
 — banditfemme

hmmm
L1 is standoutish
there is much value in the sound of those words. very soft and wispy, like sighs of lovers awaking in the dim of first light.
L2 soulfully immediately sticks out. it looks, sounds, and feels like something donna summer might come out with. paper also a bit of a harsh turn in the ear.
L3 i'm afraid does nothing for me at all, and renders ruin upon the oh-so-promising L1. despite and broken are cruel words that don't connect with your soft start. broken wings i've heard more than once before, so it didn't light me up at all.
nice poem  
 — chuckles

i have edited.
i prefer it this way. thanks for the favourite - but i have changed it now, so you may want to reconsider or something.thanks chuckles.
 — unknown

another varun creation

soul to soul

bolognajambon
 — unknown

this isn't varun.

the end.
 — unknown

0.392s