poetry critical

online poetry workshop



lush
mikkirat

In days of sun after days of rain,
 1
thin soil bakes; grasses run riot
 2
in the cocoa-butter colander we have sieved to,
 3
tossing our shirts and shoes into a breeze
 4
heavy with dandelion and cottonwood drift.
 5
We have come to settle the question
 6
of whose toes are better tanned, which of us
 7
deserves more leisure, who
 8
holds more desire in the palms of their hands.
 9
 
 
The razor-grass is a forest, and your
 10
crossed legs form a valley with the soles of your feet;
 11
there are tiny flowers all about the hem of your skirt,
 12
honey, blossom, and seed.
 13

Kansas is not Missouri, but it is close.

1 May 07

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
Active (2): 9, 9
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(27 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

oh honey
the bosom
the weeds
and the
dead dog enjoying the animal feed.
 — unknown

damn, you're too quick; I was just about to ask about the cheesy ending, and you manage to make fun of me before I can even begin to regret posting something approaching a love poem.  Damn damn damn.
 — mikkirat

sorry kikidee. isabelle motivated me.
 — unknown

how cool:
desire  {from yours}
and
fire  {from mine}
held
in the palms
of their hands;
how cool.

:}

line 12 is wicked....
 — varun

*raises eyebrows/smiles* where'd this come from?! Don't regret, I like this--a departure from your usual urban standpoint.  L's 6 & 7 are simply wonderful. Only one thing, and I don't know why it's even a question for me (because I'm not sure changing it would make any difference???) is what flower for L12? Seems...I dunno, too accidental? since you name the other plants and such...
 — gem_grrrl

Varun and I must have commented at the same time--I agree L 12 is wicked, despite my reservations. Very nice.
 — gem_grrrl

varun, thanks, I only now realized that some of your "beggar sitting outside a shop..." had sunk into my subconscious; glad you like lines 8-9.

gem_grrrl, thanks, you're a peach: any suggestions for the flowers of line 12?  I realized after writing "spearmint tea, tracks, and trestles" last summer that my knowledge of local flora is pitifully weak  ;)
 — mikkirat

0.359s