poetry critical

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you spiral

to repeat
kaleidoscope eyes.
life a coil -
you rummage in
dreams in rummage,
coil a life -
eyes kaleidoscope,
repeat to

28 Apr 07

Rated 9.6 (8.2) by 7 users.
Active (7): 3, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (6): 1, 1, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)

(4 users consider this poem a favorite)

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 — unknown

nicely done, nicely done.
 — varun

thank you unknown - i guess? it wasn't meant to be clever but still.
and to you too varun, thanks for reading.
 — Esoteric

i very much like the word

i like this poem.
 — varun

i used to own a kaleidoscope when i was younger - i liked how the image was always diferent. and now i think, why aren't things more like a kaleidoscope - it's harder to distort than to accept. sort of what this poem is about in one respect.
thanks again varun.
 — Esoteric

i actually liked the content of this aswell as the form - not just something pretty to look at it would seem. nice job.
 — unknown

thanks unknown.

although somehting pretty to look at is not what this was trying to do.
at least you find it pretty though.
 — Esoteric

i also want a kaleidoscope.
 — varun

Was this taken from a comment on the message board?  Nice catch if it was.  I like the idea of rummaging in dreams, finding something to clothe your naked soul?
 — Isabelle5

it wasn't taken from a comment on the message board. but i feel like i should say it was now, ha!
thanks for the comment Isabelle. you may interpret the image whichever way you want.
 — Esoteric

oh, now this is nicely done? how long did this take you!?
 — unknown

thank you unknown - i don't know in response to your question. i didn't intend for it to be like this to start with.
 — Esoteric

It made me smile. Nice work.
The word spiral has a really giddy feel to it, it really fits.
I like your giddy poem.
 — heat-her

thank you heat-her (heather?)
glad it made you giddy.
 — Esoteric

this makes me think of falling alseep and dreaming to a song on repeat. I know it wasn't meant for that, but it's a good piece nonetheless. i like the way you break up the words differently the second time around as well.
 — SteelAngel

The Hoosier Tetto Smashing Association will shut PC down.
 — unknown

i keep reading this in my head. it's on repeat. the more i say it, the better it gets. is there a reason it doesn't end with a full stop? what would it be like if you swapped the first and last two lines? so that it ended with repeat to fade? and to keep with the reversing theme, shouldnt l12 end in a fullstop?

these are pointless observations. i do like this poem.

i think i'll read it again.

repeat to fade.
 — unknown

Steel Angel, thank you.
i hope the song was a good song.
 — Esoteric

unknown, t doesn't end with a full stop as that would infer an end point. it would lesser the impact.

i changed the first and last two lines around - it felt better that way by ending with repeat to fade. thanks for spotting that. and the repeat workes better with kaleidoscope.

the punctuation doesn't need to be the same - just the word order, so no, L12 doesn't need a full stop. thanks unknown
 — Esoteric

I like. Simple but impressively so. No more really needs to be said.
 — skyline

Love it...the title...the way it spins forward and then in reverse...
Nice piece!  
 — starr

thank you skyline. i just find it simple to be honest.

starr, thanks. dont spiral too much. get off that helter skelter!
 — Esoteric

well done
 — unknown

well done.
 — GoldenGirl

it's like a big palindrome
 — InfaFred

wow! i tried to do a poem like this once. failed miserably.
this one is amazing though. excellent work!

 — midare

a, of course the inevitable 1's. how wonderful to see them again.

unknown, goldengirl, infared, thanks.

midare, it's really nothing. it wasn't intended like this anyway. thanks for the comment though.

 — Esoteric

Very clever, I admire your ability to write a poem such as this.
 — marieF

i admire your ability marief to admire this...for whatever reason you choose to ?!
ah well,
 — Esoteric

Failed attempt of cleverness. Laughable that this is a Top Rated poem.
 — unknown

A successful exercise.  I am impressed with it as a palindrome, but not as a poem.  It's nearly impossible to accomplish both.
 — unknown

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