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reprayer
gnormal

1
 1
She'd watch her bakelite
 2
phone at home for fun
 3
for hours she wrung- suddenly...
 4
 
 
lifts herself, the receiver,
 5
to hello It expectantly...
 6
 
 
That "hello" she said "To me,"
 7
so many times a day
 8
a prayer in any sense
 9
a wire,
 10
a way.
 11
 
 
2
 12
He said he didnt pray
 13
but onto glowing glass
 14
like the Light of Day
 15
he cast his wishes away
 16
 
 
on a cool glass tube
 17
kerned to perfection
 18
like a song.  no.  like a sing.
 19
Wasnt that the same thing?
 20
 
 
And if praying he asked
 21
is talking to your head,
 22
     to your own thinning air,
 23
     and what's the difference there,
 24
then type It into being.
 25
Type 'er right in, stead.
 26
 
 
3
 27
Years ago on the ledge
 28
of a high cement wall,
 29
late in the fall
 30
forgotten walkie-talkie
 31
perfect for prayer
 32
just sitting there.
 33
No breakfast.
 34
My faith was thin
 35
but 9v battery
 36
rusted right in.
 37
When White noise cracked
 38
from the thumbwheel
 39
built for my thumb to feel
 40
i knew i was in!
 41
 
 
And it took me to the field
 42
with my kite, and i said to It,
 43
A little stronger from the East.
 44
Over.
 45
 
 
And out of my east
 46
ass in the grass
 47
I felt my string tug. Oh...
 48
Dear God
 49
pulled my finger.  And even
 50
now my fingers say
 51
so.
 52

8 Dec 03

Rated 6 (5.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (2): 1, 9

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Comments:

wow.
 — unknown

There are some beautiful thoughts in here, but I think it still needs some work. The third part is perfect, but would be even more perfect if the rest of the poem balanced it out better. The first 8 lines could be said in 1.

I think that if you looked at each word and took out whatever wasn't absolutely necessary to the understanding of the poem... and then came back to it and added just a few clarifications, it would make the poem a lot smoother, and, well, poetic.

*shrug*
 — Ananke

phlt. stupid double posts. gnormal, I would have never expected this was yours...
 — Ananke

...is that good?
 — gnormal

Agree with Ananke. Needs editing.
 — unknown

Honestly there are so many people who only know how to criticize in negative way...Don't worry about this...Your poem is really a good one...You just carry on... So many good poems will be coming out from your poetic mind that I think...Keep penning...
 — TearS

And out of my east 34
ass in the grass 35

It's weird, but I really liked those lines
 — Adrielle

This wasn't for them.  Lack of understanding on their part does not make it any less valid.  Beautiful.  In my own mind, the poem is getting there.  In yours, it is clear.  
 — unknown

that was challenging.  you are all right.
it can be cleaned and pressed.
but 3, i hope you would agree, is there.
 — unknown

to long to read
 — unknown

Goes on a bit.
 — unknown

another gnormal
goes
into my favorites
 — noodleman

it did go on a bit.  rewrote. dont want to give it up.
 — gnormal

this is just wow! wonderfully captivating, and this has an amazing flow!  i really enjoyed the thirds part, that was so tightly written, and the last stanza especially. great job and a joy to read!
 — SweetPain

not funny

gupta
 — unknown

brilliance.
 — unknown

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