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She'd watch her bakelite
phone at home for fun
for hours she wrung- suddenly...
lifts herself, the receiver,
to hello It expectantly...
That "hello" she said "To me,"
so many times a day
a prayer in any sense
a wire,
a way.
He said he didnt pray
but onto glowing glass
like the Light of Day
he cast his wishes away
on a cool glass tube
kerned to perfection
like a song.  no.  like a sing.
Wasnt that the same thing?
And if praying he asked
is talking to your head,
     to your own thinning air,
     and what's the difference there,
then type It into being.
Type 'er right in, stead.
Years ago on the ledge
of a high cement wall,
late in the fall
forgotten walkie-talkie
perfect for prayer
just sitting there.
No breakfast.
My faith was thin
but 9v battery
rusted right in.
When White noise cracked
from the thumbwheel
built for my thumb to feel
i knew i was in!
And it took me to the field
with my kite, and i said to It,
A little stronger from the East.
And out of my east
ass in the grass
I felt my string tug. Oh...
Dear God
pulled my finger.  And even
now my fingers say

8 Dec 03

Rated 6 (5.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 6
Inactive (2): 1, 9

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 — unknown

There are some beautiful thoughts in here, but I think it still needs some work. The third part is perfect, but would be even more perfect if the rest of the poem balanced it out better. The first 8 lines could be said in 1.

I think that if you looked at each word and took out whatever wasn't absolutely necessary to the understanding of the poem... and then came back to it and added just a few clarifications, it would make the poem a lot smoother, and, well, poetic.

 — Ananke

phlt. stupid double posts. gnormal, I would have never expected this was yours...
 — Ananke

...is that good?
 — gnormal

Agree with Ananke. Needs editing.
 — unknown

Honestly there are so many people who only know how to criticize in negative way...Don't worry about this...Your poem is really a good one...You just carry on... So many good poems will be coming out from your poetic mind that I think...Keep penning...
 — TearS

And out of my east 34
ass in the grass 35

It's weird, but I really liked those lines
 — Adrielle

This wasn't for them.  Lack of understanding on their part does not make it any less valid.  Beautiful.  In my own mind, the poem is getting there.  In yours, it is clear.  
 — unknown

that was challenging.  you are all right.
it can be cleaned and pressed.
but 3, i hope you would agree, is there.
 — unknown

to long to read
 — unknown

Goes on a bit.
 — unknown

another gnormal
into my favorites
 — noodleman

it did go on a bit.  rewrote. dont want to give it up.
 — gnormal

this is just wow! wonderfully captivating, and this has an amazing flow!  i really enjoyed the thirds part, that was so tightly written, and the last stanza especially. great job and a joy to read!
 — SweetPain

not funny

 — unknown

 — unknown

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