poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Call Me in the Morning
DrakeScott

Their names alone are like poetry:
 1
 
 
desipramine. nortriptyline.
 2
fluoxetine. paroxetine.
 3
citalopram. bupropion.
 4
escitalopram. sertraline.
 5
 
 
The parade marches past.
 6
All work equally well;
 7
 
 
all don’t work, equally well.
 8
Half-popped 'scrips gather
 9
motes and rot in the rank, black
 10
back of my cabinet.
 11
 
 
At the mercy of the smirking shrink’s
 12
little glued pad and countless,
 13
faceless pharmaceutical salesmen,
 14
I have swallowed them all.
 15
 
 
Soon I'll see spots, hear stamping feet,
 16
grab for painted candy thrown by
 17
clowns on floats festooned with
 18
 
 
pretty pink and purple balloons;
 19
yellows and blues carry their secret,
 20
special medicine
 21
down my gullet to that stinking spot
 22
where broken bits of gelatin go,
 23
 
 
where lives the encapsulated,
 24
authentic thing that was me.
 25

24 Apr 07

Rated 9 (9) by 2 users.
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Comments:

Where lives the encapsulated, authentic thing that was me.

My gosh, that says it all.  All very good and I love the line about the names being poetry.  
 — Isabelle5

Bravo!  Such courage to even put something like this to verse.  I commend you!  Well done and some of the images are especially gripping too.  :-)
 — starr

Cory!!!!  I had no idea this was YOU!!!!  No one knows what poet's work they're reading/rating until they hit the submit button!  This is absolutely fantastic!!!  I'm proud of you!!!
 — starr

Thanks, Starr! This one's gone through significant rewrites...
 — DrakeScott

I love lines 12-15.
I also love "dark, black back"
but dark/black is sort of like warm/hot-
the adjectives weaken eachother.
Those line breaks are perfect, I think.
And 24, 25 are eight ball in the pocket.
Well done.
 — Krttika

Thanks a million, Krttika! You are 100% right about the redundancy of dark/black. I am going to ponder a better word choice. Take care.
 — DrakeScott

This may indeed be complete as it is.
 — DrakeScott

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