poetry critical

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Hurry, Hurrah for Our Pâté

Once opened,
keep refrigerated
and use within
48 hours
or 24, to be
extra virgin safe
You could even shunt
it all down now on six
slices of toast
but remember
each purchase comes with
free 'no nonsense' entry
into the 'Once Opened
Use Within a Month Lottery'
for a disease with a very
long bowel movement.
Have nice day
with our pâté.
Ring us freefone
if you've stuff to say.
But if you've sore guts
you must be nuts
to think our lawyers
haven't covered our butts.

23 Apr 07

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I LOVE "extra virgin safe" in line 6! Brilliant! I'm a big fan of using simple words to describe complex ideas, and those words flow together very nicely! Altogether, I like your poem, but towards the end your ideas become a little clouded and confusing I think. Even so, this is a very good poem!
 — Burrito

Oh man, what a brilliant poem which says so much about our urge to passively consume

Larry make my day Lark
 — larrylark

Ta for commenting folks. Glad you enjoyed. unk :)
 — unknown

Long bowel movement!!
 — wendz